


Pieces of Heaven and Hell

by WantsToFlyAfraidToFall



Series: Peices of Heaven and Hell [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Cockblock Sam Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff, Good Friend Castiel (Supernatural), Haunted Houses, Homophobic John Winchester, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:48:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25321894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WantsToFlyAfraidToFall/pseuds/WantsToFlyAfraidToFall
Summary: After being sent home from the military because of a busted knee, Dean moves into a new house Ellen and Bobby inherited and given to him. He finally has a house all to himself... or so he thought. He ends up with a hot housemate who makes him question the morals beaten into him by his father. As he struggles coming out of the closet to the man he falls in love with, he has to battle against a force of evil tied to the place he calls home. With the help from his neighbors and his housemate, they will attempt to kill this evil before it kills them.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Series: Peices of Heaven and Hell [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111175
Comments: 77
Kudos: 76





	1. Afternoon Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and I am super nervous to share it with you guys but hope you enjoy! I'll try to get the next chapter out soon! 🥰❤❤❤
> 
> (I struggled with Bobby so he sounds kinda odd)

The car rolled up the crunchy gravel driveway and came to a slow stop in front of the house. Dean took the keys out of the ignition and turned off the radio before getting out of the car and grabbing his bags from the trunk.

The house was old and relatively large with 4 bedrooms, each with its own full bathroom. Large stone steps led up to a set polished dark oak doors, set with intricate stained glass windows. On either side of the door stretched a porch with an overhang held up by thick, sandstone composite pillars.

The wood of the porch creaked as Dean walked across it. The key easily slid into and turned the lock in the handleset knob. The door gracefully swung open to reveal a large open atrium with a library off to the left through a set of glass paned french doors and a living room to the right through a large arch.

Stairs were set in the center back of the atrium that rose to a landing before splitting in separate directions. A large crystal chandelier hung from the high ceiling, lighting both the entryway and hall balconies above. 

Two doors were on either side of the stairs. One led down a hallway with 3 rooms--a half bath, laundry and mudroom that had a door to the back yard, and the door to the cellar. The other door led into the kitchen. The kitchen had yet another door that led into a bright sunroom with skylights and shelves set into the walls. 

None of the lights in the house were on but it was beautifully lit by the natural light seeping through the windows. 

Dean picked up his duffles from where he set them on the porch while unlocking the door and carried them up the stairs. He went up the right staircase and chose the room at the end of the hall. 

There was already a bed in the room but other than kitchen appliances, beds, and laundry machines, the house was unfurnished. The moving truck was on its way with the rest of the furniture Dean bought for the house when he first visited it.

A rumble and crunch of gravel alerted Dean that the moving truck(speak of the devil) was here. A few young men hopped out of the truck and began pulling out the furniture. After about 20 minutes, everything had been moved into the house and placed where Dean had directed.

Boxes were stacked up in messy towers in most rooms. Dean walked into the library and opened one of the larger boxes. It was filled with books given to him throughout the years by friends and family but mostly Sam.

Dean would never admit to it, but he enjoyed a good book. Sam saw right through his lies and brought him all sorts of books. 

Dean left the box open and walked over to the walnut book shelves set into the walls. He ran his fingers over the polished wood, leaving trails in the dust that had accumulated on the shelves in the absence of books.

He wiped his hand on his jeans and walked to the kitchen. Smaller brown boxes were scattered around the room on the counters and floor. He grabbed the one labeled ‘fridge’ and pulled off the tape holding it shut.

Inside the box were some magnets and a few pictures. He pulled them out one at a time. First a picture of his brother, Sammy, and his wife, Jess, sitting in the yard with their dog, Bones. A picture of Mary smiling in the afternoon sun. Pictures of His father, Bobby, Sammy, and Dean himself laughing together or fishing or fixing up a car. 

After pinning all the pictures to the fridge with some magnets, he reached what he was looking for. He pulled out the pad of sticky notes and a pen-- both had magnets attached to them so they would hang on the refrigerator-- and started his To-Do list. 

  * Dust
  * Unpack boxes
  * Groceries
  * Call Bobby



Dean fished his phone out of his pocket and found Bobby in his contacts, pressing the call button.

After Dean's mother died, John drowned his sorrows in alcohol. He would release Hell’s fury on Dean and Dean took it to keep Sammy safe. When Bobby found out he became his and Sam's father figure, having them move into his house and help with the cars in his shop.

Bobby picked up after 3 rings

“Hello?”

“Hey Bobby. I'm at the house, gonna start unpacking tomorrow.”

“Is everything fine down there?”

“Yup. Tell Ellen thanks for me will ya? She’s too good to me.”

“Of course and we will do anything for ya idjits.”

“You said she got this house from a relative in their will right?”

“Sure did. Her great aunt left a little somethin’ to all her great nieces and nephews. She really loved Ellen so she gave her the house but only bits of her money to the rest.”

“Well it's damn lucky she has such a good family and that you and her got each other. I've gotta head out and get some food before I starve to death in this place. Thanks again, Bobby.”

“No problem, and Dean, take care of yourself.”

Dean ended the call, placing his phone on the counter with a sigh. As soon as he moved to go get his keys, his phone began to ring again. He looked at the screen name and answered.

“Hiya Sammy. Calling to check up on me?”

“Yes and No. I actually have a… favor to ask.”

Dean paused for a moment, wondering what kind of favor was making his brother so nervous to ask him about before replying. “Whatcha need?”

“I have a friend who just finished college and is out of a house. He is near your area and that house is big enough to fit the both of you so would it be ok if he stayed there till he finds a decent apartment?”

Dean never keeps people close in fear of becoming too attached and losing them or being hurt by them. He has such a burden -- courtesy of his father -- that people who become too close to him have to help bear. But it's not like this friend of Sams is going to be staying that long and Sams right, the house is big. If Deans being honest, the house was a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be alone. Maybe it won't be so bad to have another warm body in the house.

“Sure thing, Sammy. Can you, uh, tell me who he is and when he’s coming?”

“That's great! His name is Castiel Novak and he will be coming in about three days. He’s nice and quiet and won’t bother you much. You need some more people in that big house anyway you will get lonely and depre-”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, don’t make me take back my choice.” Dean grumbled.

“Ok, I'll tell him. Make sure you clean up a bit before he gets there.”

“Don't worry mom, I can take care of myself.”

Dean hung up the phone for a second time and decided to put it in his pocket in case anyone else wants to bother him on his grocery run. He should get extra food for this Castiel guy. Odd name, huh?

He grabs the keys of a box sitting in the entryway and locks the large doors behind him before almost bouncing down the steps to his car.

Deans Black 1967 Chevy Impala had been left with Bobby at his shop while Dean moved. Baby is Dean's pride and joy. They way her engine purrs when he rides down the street and Led Zeppelin blasting through her speakers filled him with joy.

The ride to the store was short and there weren't any people in the small building other than himself and a rather bored looking cashier. He grabbed all of the food he needed for the next few days and a six-pack of beer and put them in his cart.

The cashier began to scan his items, glancing up at his face a few times before asking, “I've never seen you around before, are you moving into the old Fletcher house?”

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

The kashier -- kevin according to his nametag -- nodded as he finished scanning the items.

“Im Kevin, by the way,” The cashier looked back up at Dean and held out his hand.

“Dean,” He said before shaking his hand, “You look a bit young to be a year round employee, are you in school?”

“I'm in advanced placement at the college a few towns over.”

“Well nice to meetcha Kevin.”

“Uh huh, yup. Have a nice night, here’s your card.” He handed back Dean’s card before going back to looking extremely bored. 

Dean loaded the groceries in the trunk and drove back to the Fletcher House, as Kevin had called it, the gravel crackling under Baby’s tires.

By the time Dean finished unloading the groceries and eating his extravagant dinner consisting of cereal and some beer when he was done, it was already 9:30. He sighed and went upstairs to his room to get ready for bed.

He changed his shirt and boxers for a clean pair and threw his dirty clothes over in the corner by a dresser Sam got him when he decided to get his own house. He had been living with Sam and his girlfriend Jess ever since he got his knee shot and was deemed “unfit for duty”. 

Dean was in the military for 5 years as a Marine, just like his father, until he got hit with a bullet right in his knee while deployed. It never healed properly causing him to have a weak knee and enough reason to be sent home.

The bathroom was large with a white tiled floor and shower. The sink was set in the center of the granite countertop in front of a large, frameless, mirror. 

Dean turned the water on and wetted his toothbrush before putting a decent sized glob of toothpaste on it. He brushed his teeth and spit out the minty foam. He turned the water back on and watched as the water washed the used toothpaste down the drain.

He looked up at the mirror, still bent over the sink. Standing in the doorway was a dark, shadowy figure. Dean whipped around to face the shadow but the door was empty. He turned back to the mirror, the doorway still empty, and rinsed of his toothbrush and set it on the counter.

Dean walked over to his bed and curled up under the duvet. He really needs to sleep more, he needs to get himself together before his housemate gets here.  _ Castiel _ . This guy sounds like he’s going to be a little stuck up but it’s only temporary and even bad company is better than none.

He fell asleep. Unaware of the shadow watching him from the corner of the room.


	2. New Old Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited from your comments and kudos that I couldn't wait to write more! Here's chapter 2 and a few diagrams of the house that I use when I write! (They are really disproportional and the furniture inside is just to know whats in the room or going to be in there.) The diagrams are on my tumblr- @wantstoflyafraidtofall under the tag #pieces of heaven and hell. Diagrams of the basement and outside will be posted on my tumblr once those are finished!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
> Mentions of homophobia/homophobic language and past self harm!

Dean wakes up in a cold sweat yet again. The black shadow ~~he saw~~ thought he saw plagued his dreams every night since he's been there. Which was odd. He usually doesn't dream at all. 

He rolled out of bed and peeled off his boxers and shirt, both damp with sweat, and turned on the shower.

The warm water -- with amazing water pressure, dare he say -- soothed his nerves. He would have to search up if frequent nightmares were normal for people moving into new houses later.

After getting dried off and dressed, Dean went downstairs and turned on his old coffee machine. He watched the dark coffee drip down into the pot. 

The deadline for unpacking really helped speed up the whole process and the amount of sleep he was getting helped to.

By what Sam had said about Cas, he sounds ok. Just a quiet guy who's fresh out of college and needs a place to stay for a bit.

Dean had finished unpacking the rest of the boxes yesterday. He had saved the library for last and the whole time his knee was a bitch. But he had to say, now that it’s done, It looks really nice.

He poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot and went out into the large, mostly empty sunroom. He was going to have to get some furniture to fill all the floor space so they could sit and read or watch TV in here. Maybe a bean bag and a couch.

The morning sun shone brightly through the windows of the room, casting soft shadows in corners and the shelves. The backyard _was_ really nice and big but over grown. The stones in the fire pit had weeds growing out the cracks and the fish pond would kill any fish that would dare swim in it. The grass was almost knee length and would be a complete bitch to mow. Maybe he could get Cas to do it. Complain about his knee hurting or something.

Dean went back in the kitchen and poured himself a second cup of coffee. He checked his watch, 9:34am. Sam had told him Cas would be there around 10:30, which left Dean almost a full hour to do whatever he wanted.

He does enjoy his time alone but is quite excited for a housemate. He would never admit it to anyone but the house was getting a bit lonely and now that he has everything unpacked, he would guess it would be boring as well.

Bubbles covered Dean's hands as he washed the few dishes remaining in the sink. He wanted to make a good first impression on Cas by having the house clean and was using it as a pass time to cool his nerves.

He’d just put the last plate in the cabinet when the doorbell rang. Dean quickly walked over to the door, running his fingers through his hair before opening it.

Dean was surprised at the man he saw standing outside. He was wearing a tan trench coat over an ill fitting suit with a messily done blue tie. His hair was dark and messy, as if he had just rolled out of bed. A 5 o’clock shadow adorned his sharp jaw. Dean’s eyes moved up his face, and met a pair of eyes that were more blue than the deepest parts of a sunny sky.

Cas cleared his throat before asking, “Are you Dean Winchester?”

Man, that _voice_. It was deep and sounded as if he had been gurgling gravel every day since he was 12. Dean quit his staring and smiled at Cas.

“Yup, that's me,” Dean beamed, “And you must be Cas.”

Cas squinted a little harder and tilted his head slightly to the side at the use of the nickname.

Dean took a step back, opening the door wide. “Come on in, you have 3 choices in rooms but I recommend up the left stairs at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you.” Cas said as he passed Dean and began walking towards the stairs, his suitcase rolling behind him. The man glanced around as he walked, carefully observing the wooden structure of the house.

Dean closed the door and went into the library and grabbed _Soul Enchilada_ off his shelf of favorites. He laid out on an old love-seat in front of one of the windows and began to try and read.

He read a few lines before starting over. His mind was wandering elsewhere, to his handsome new housemate that would be _living_ with him for who knows how long, how that deep, rumbly voice had said his name earlier, eyes of azure, streaked with cruelan and sky blue.

He thought back to how when he met those eyes, they seemed to stare deep into his soul. The small twinge of annoyance when Dean had used the nickname ‘Cas’ and how he had tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, his plush, lightly chapped lips barely parted. They looked so soft, so kissable. It would have been so easy to have just- NO.

Dean caught his slipping thoughts. Internally scolding himself for not only falling for his new housemate, but a _guy._

After closing the book and placing it back on the shelf, Dean went upstairs to his room, into the bathroom, and locked the door behind him. He lifted his arms in front of him, using his right hand he nudged the sleeve of his flannel back and felt his thumb drag over the small, criss-crossing scars on his forearm. 

He released a shuddering breath. He is such a disappointment to his father. It was wrong for him to love another guy and no matter what he did he couldn't stop. No matter how many times Dad had taken out his anger on his “disgusting faggot of a son” he couldn't stop the thoughts.

Dean pulled his sleeve back down and looked into his own green eyes in the mirror. He could almost hear Sam's voice saying it with him as he whispered to himself, “Dad was a bastard and a terrible father. You can love whoever you want, Dean, It’s ok.”

Dean had been so careful to hide the scars from Sammy, but one day at Bobby’s place he had his sleeves pulled up to his elbows so he had better access inside the car and little, 13 year-old Sam saw the scars and asked what they were about.

It wasn't until a few months before Dean was leaving for the military that he had told Sam why he had those scars. And Sam just hugged him and told him that it was ok and that he would always love him. Damn, he loves that kid.

Dean sighed. No hitting on hot roommate dude. He could be straight and Dean isn't going to 1) Make him uncomfortable while he stays here, and 2) Get in a relationship with… well, anyone. Not like anyone wants to be in a relationship with someone as broken as him anyway.

When Dean made his way back downstairs, he saw Cas standing in the library examining the books with curiosity. 

“Hey Cas,” The sound of Dean’s voice caused the man to turn towards him, “I'm going to go on a grocery run. Is there anything you want?”

He stared at Dean for a moment before replying, “The ingredients for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is all, Thanks.”

Dean chuckled, “You know, you're out of college now, you can eat some actual food.”

“I'm not a good cook in the slightest and I'm sure I will like some of the stuff you buy.”

“K then, see you later.” Dean grumbled, grabbing his keys and closing the heavy front door hard behind him.

He walked down the steps and started Baby, Bon Jovi’s _Wanted Dead or Alive_ pouring out the speakers. Dean turned up the music and drove down the driveway.

The trip to the store was short and uneventful. He grabbed the stuff Cas asked for along with some stuff to make dinner for the next week(He also got some greens because Sammy would give him another 3 hour lecture on his diet if he didn’t).

Kevin was working again today, somehow looking even more bored than last time. He scanned Dean's groceries while Dean asked about what classes he was taking. 

Kevin had told him he was going to be a freshman and was studying computer sciences so he could make enough money to support himself and help support his mom. 

Dean said goodbye to Kevin and loaded his groceries into Baby's trunk. The ride home was smooth and fast. Cas was nowhere in sight when he got home and Dean guessed he was probably in his room.

After unloading all the groceries, Dean pulled out two plates and began making lunch. He decided to keep it simple with some PB&Js and some potato chips. He put Cas’s plate on the island with a glass of water and made his way up the stairs to his door.

He knocked on the wood. “Hey Cas, I made some lunch for ya. It’s in the kitchen if you want it.”

There was no reply but he heard a faint shuffle of movement on the other side of the door. Dean went back downstairs and took his plate outside to the small shed in the backyard. The door was unlocked and swung open when Dean pushed.

Inside there was an old workbench pushed against the back wall. Gardening tools hung on hooks drilled into the wall and a slightly rusty lawn mower sat in the corner. He brushed some dust off the workbench and placed his lunch on the wood before checking out the mower.

It looked functional but in need of some repairs. Nothing that Dean couldn't fix himself with the right tools. He checked the drawers of the workbench and found the things he needed to fix the mower and began to work, eating his sandwich as he did.

Dean was so focused on sharpening the lawn mowers blades that he didn't hear Cas’s footsteps approaching from behind. 

“Dean?” Cas called?

Dean jumped, startled by the sudden noise.

“Sorry for startling you Dean. I wanted to thank you for lunch.”

“Yeah, no problem buddy.” Dean replied, “I'm making chicken for dinner tonight if that's good with you.”

“Yes that's fine. Thank you.”

Cas left and Dean finished sharpening the lawn mower blades, leaving them on the workbench to attach tomorrow. He picked up his empty plate and headed back inside and dropped it in the sink.

Dean took a package of chicken breasts out of the fridge and placed them in a bowl. About 10 minutes later, the chicken was breaded and in the oven and he began to prepare the potato salad.

He loved to cook. When he was young, his father would drag Sammy and him from motel to motel. All they ate was take out or greasy diner food. Dean does love some good greasy burger and fries and a beer every once in a while but nice home cooked meals were always better.

Once Bobby took them away from John and his abusive parenting style, Dean learned to cook his own food in an actual kitchen. He would wake up early to make breakfast and insist on making lunch and dinner as well. 

Dean pulled the chicken out of the oven and set some plates on the counter. He jogged up the stairs to Cas’s door, careful to be light on his bad knee, and knocked.

“Dinners ready!” He said before making his way back to the kitchen and filling up his plate with potato salad and sweet corn. He could hear Cas enter the kitchen and grab the other plate.

“It looks great, Dean,” Cas observed, “Thanks again.”

Dean set his plate down on the table and grabbed some cups from the cabinet before replying, “Yeah, it’s no problem, really. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Just water please. I haven't had anyone cook a proper meal for me since high school and I could never make one for myself due to my inability not to burn the food.”

Dean chuckled, “After my mom passed I didn't get a good meal till I was around 15, and those I would make myself.”

Cas stared at him, “Oh, I’m sorry.” He took the water Dean held out to him.

“Nah man, it’s fine. It was a long time ago.”

They continued to eat in silence for a while till Cas asked Dean, “You were only given 3 days notice that I was coming, yet you have the entire house unpacked and cleaned.”

“I, uh, didn’t sleep much. I wasn’t sleeping well so I made the best of a bad situation and used the time I was awake to finish unpacking.”

They both finished their meal in silence. Dean placed his dishes in the sink and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He sat back down at the table and looked over at Cas.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself.”

Cas’s blue eyes meet Deans. “I am 23 years old. I have an English major and plan on becoming a journalist. I have 6 siblings, 4 brothers and 2 sisters. I grew up in Colorado but moved to California for college, where I met your brother.”

“Hold on. You have 6 Siblings?” Dean gaped

“Yes, Dean. Micheal, Lucifer, Uriel, Gabriel, and Naomi are older and Anna is younger than me.”

“Man sibling rivalry must have been intense.” 

“Our arguments were like war backed with all of heaven's wrath.”

Dean bursted out in laughter at that and took another drink of his beer. Cas stared at him with that adorable little head tilt squinting at him as if confused by Dean laughter.

“What about you?” Cas asked

Dean stopped laughing and looked at Cas, “My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women,”Cas stared at him for a moment before Dean continued, “My mom passed when I was 4. I lived with my Dad if you could call what we did living for about 10 years until I was taken in by Bobby and Ellen. I worked as a mechanic with Bobby while Sam went to college until I decided to go to the military. I was there for 5 years until my knee got messed up and I was sent home.”

“Sorry, that must be horrible.”

“Nah man, it's fine. You get used to it and move on.”

“Is excessive drinking part of moving on?”

Dean stopped smiling and looked away from Cas. They sat in silence for a moment before Dean said, “Well I'm a bit tired, gonna head to bed.”

“Ok, Goodnight, Dean. I will clean up.”

He stood and left the kitchen. He was looking angrily at the ground in front of him as he went up the stairs. He didn't look up until he heard a quiet hissing in front of him.

The blood rushed out of his face and fear coiled in his stomach. It was back. The dark shadow was standing in the middle of the balcony. Dean couldn't get his legs to move. He was stuck. The shadow began to slowly glide towards him, reaching out a long arm-like appendage. He wanted to shout, to cry out for help but his mouth was just as stuck as his legs.

A rush of frigid air washed over him as it drew nearer. The black tendrils of its translucent arm reaching to his side, like it was going to push him over the railing.

“Dean, do you have any tupperware for the extra food?” Cas called from the kitchen.

Dean blinked and the shadow was gone. He shivered as the air began to warm up around him. Dean cleared his throat before replying “In the drawer by the fridge.” He ignored the slight shake in his voice.

When he tried to take a step forward, his feet moved like nothing had happened just seconds before. Dean went into his room and locked the door behind him.

Sleep. That's what he needs. He's just tired and that's making him see things. Everything will be fine tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose the book Soul Enchilada because it just sounded so... Dean. Ive never read it but it sounds really good!
> 
> Soul Enchilada by David Macinnis Gill is about a girl meets boy at a car wash, and probably this would have been a great teen romance... except that the girl's grandfather sold his soul for a classic Cadillac and he used her soul as collateral, too. Which the devil has come to collect, along with the car. Now eighteen-year-old Bug Smoot has to fight for both. Good thing she knows how to fight dirty. Good thing nothing frightens Bug Smoot: not the repo man, not the paranormal creatures, not sÉances or driving too fast. And good thing that boy from the car wash is actually a supernatural secret agent.(Not my summary. Credit to google books)
> 
> I have no idea what my schedule looks like the next couple of weeks but I will try and write as often as possible! Thanks for reading and please leave comments and kudos! THEY GIVE ME WRITING JUICES!!!❤❤❤


	3. Ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3! Enjoy!

He was watching himself. The other Dean was back on the balcony, Cas was running up the stairs towards him, the black shadow reaching out with its inky arms. He yells at himself to run but no words come out. He is just as stuck as the other Dean.

Everything seems to be going in slow motion. The shadow almost seems to smile as it pushes Dean off the balcony, falling to the ground head first. Cas grabbing the rail, mouth open in a silent scream as he watches Dean fall.

Dean watches himself fall towards the ground. Watch the tears drip off Cas’s chin. All he seems to do is watch. He can't do anything but watch

Everything is silent and slow. Except the shadow. It turns to him. A face now more clearly formed in the smoky mass. It looked at him with eyes like two red Christmas lights stuck in a black curtain. Its smile is wide and full of long, sharp fangs that mesh together like puzzle pieces.

It slides down the hall and slips right behind Cas without turning or looking away from Dean. The creature tilts its face down at Cas and back up to him. Without opening its mouth it speaks to him in a cold, small voice, “tH **i** s _i_ **s** **j** us _t_ Th **e** B _e_ gi **n** niNg.”

It opens its mouth and its jaw unhinges, letting it open even wider. Its back arches and long tendrils of shadow spread out like poisonous vines from its body, consuming everything in darkness. They reach around Dean, constricting around his body, squeezing the air out of him till his world fades black.

  
  


~~~

Dean wakes with a gasp. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he springs to a sitting position. He checks his watch but already knew what time it would be, after all he has woken up at the exact same time for the past three days.

It was 6 in the morning, the sky a dark lavender as the sun prepared to breach the horizon. Something about this morning, however, was a bit different. More pleasant. He could faintly smell the rich scent of coffee meaning Cas was awake early. 

He peeled off his sweat soaked clothes and put on a fresh pair of boxers and his ‘dead guy robe’ that he had found in one of the closets. 

Cas was standing in the kitchen, leaning on the counter as he drank his own cup of coffee. He slid a steaming mug resting near him towards Dean as he entered the kitchen.

“You're up early.” Dean mumbled

“I had noticed you were waking up very early and getting little sleep. Since I am staying in your house I would like to make things a little easier for you so I made you coffee.” Cas stated.

“Thanks Cas but you really don't have to.” 

Cas had taken notice of how little Dean was sleeping. Bringing it up in subtle ways and doing everything he can to help. Once Dean had fixed the mower he made him go inside and rest while Cas mowed the entire back yard.

Dean had stood in the kitchen and looked out the window, admiring the way Cas’s muscles rippled with each movement underneath his shirt. When Cas had taken off his shirt, revealing vast expanses of smooth, lightly tanned skin, Dean forced himself to move into the library and read a book.

He knows it's okay to love whoever you want but he can't help but feel ashamed for his growing crush on his housemate. He has learned a lot about Cas these past few days and is starting to become better friends with him despite the stick up his ass but would rather not make him uncomfortable. 

Deans gaydar is horrible and completely out of practice so unless you look like you were given birth to by a unicorn and had the word “GAY” written in rainbow letters on your forehead, he would never be able to guess your orientation. 

“Dean, you need more sleep. It's going to make you hallucinate and your body will begin to shut down if you don’t rest.” Cas retorted

“M’fine. And it’s not like I'm trying to get bad sleep.”

Dean left the kitchen and went back upstairs to put on some clothes. He came back down but Cas was no longer in the kitchen. 

He refilled his coffee and got some cereal out of the cabinet. He would love to cook actual breakfast but Cas was right, he was really tired. He was halfway through his bowl when he heard a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Cas shouted from somewhere in the front of the house.

The doors lock clicked before swinging open. Dean listened, curious to see who was visiting them this early in the morning. He heard the muffled sound of voices, the deep rumble of Cas’s and a bright chirpy one.

“Dean, it's for you.” Cas called.

Dean’s curiosity spiked. Someone was coming to the house at 6:30 in the morning to see him?

He walked into the atrium and saw Cas standing with a young woman with bouncy red hair. He could feel energy radiating off of her like a mini sun and her wide hazel eyes and bright smile showed that spark.

“You were asking for me?” Dean asked.

“Yes, hi! My name is Charlie Bradbury, I live across the street. Kevin said someone moved into the Fletcher house and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood!” Charlie exclaimed.

“At 6 in the morning? A bit early dontcha think?”

Charlies looked down at her feet, clearly embarrassed, “I was going to come over later but I saw that your lights were on so I figured you would be awake.” She squinted up at him, “Man it looks like you never fell asleep in the first place!”

Cas sensed Dean's annoyance with that statement and chose to slip into the conversation, “It's a new place and he has been having some trouble sleeping. Would you like to come in for some coffee?”

Charlie accepted the offer and practically bounced into the kitchen. Cas started another pot -- decaf this time -- while Dean and Charlie sat at the island. Dean continued eating his cereal, watching Cas’s steady hands scoop the grounds into the machine.

“So, how long have you two been together?” Charlie asked

Dean choked on his cereal, cheeks flushing red. 

Cas replied, not even turning away from his task, “Dean and I are not together. I am staying here in his house until I get a steady footing and buy my own apartment.”

At this point, Dean decided he was done with imputing on the conversation so he hunched over his coffee and listened to Cas and Charlie talk.

“I'm sorry! I just figured since you guys were living together you might have been a couple!” Charlie apologized

“It’s fine. What about you? Do you have any housemates?” Cas replied in a completely calm manner.

How was he doing that? How is he so calm after that?

“Well the house is actually my grandparents house but they have like four so they were fine with me having this one. I live with my girlfriend, Gilda, and Kevin, who you've already met.”

“That's nice. How did you all meet?”

“Gilda and I met in junior year of high school at a LARPing event. Kevin I met in our computer science class. He looked really stressed all the time, and when I finally wrung out that he was about to be kicked out of his apartment, I told him he could stay with us.”

They continued their conversation while Dean listened. Cas, being the awkward talker he is, stuck to short, blunt answers and basic icebreaker questions while Charlie ranted about her life. 

After what seemed like a short time -- but was actually 30 minutes according to his watch -- Charlie got up from her seat and Cas walked her to the door, Dean following closely behind.

He was a bit startled when she practically pounced on Dean, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug then continuing to do the same to Cas, who probably looked just as awkward as Dean.

She bid them both a good day and skipped down the driveway back to her house.

Cas gently shut the door before slumping against it.

“Man, that kid is quite the handful, huh?” Dean chuckled

Cas glared up at Dean. “Well I didn't see you talking to her for half an hour after she asked if we were… together.” Cas looked away from Dean, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Well you did great Mr. “My ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty’.”

“Thank you, Dean. Sorry that you were so embarrassed about her comment.” Cas looked back up at Dean, his compliment making the blush on his cheeks slightly more rosy.

“I, uh, It’s- It’s all good.”

They held eye contact, looking deep into each other's eyes. Dean began to wonder what it would be like if Cas was his boyfriend. Cas making him cups of coffee, staying up late reading the books both of them seem to enjoy reading, waking up every day to see the crisp morning light illuminating his permanently messy bed head(what would that look like in the morning) and those eyes containing the very sky in their depth.

Dean turned away breaking eye contact as his own cheeks began to redden. “I'm going to go call Sam and check on how he’s doing.”

He walked towards the stairs, not looking back, despite his temptations. Too afraid to see an uncomfortable grimace on Cas’s face and not the slightly disappointed frown that was actually there.

He closed the door and flopped onto the bed with a sigh. He rolled over to his stomach and grabbed his phone off the bedside table. Sam picked up after a few rings.

“Hey Dean, is everything alright?”

“Just peachy, Sammy. I was actually calling to check up on how you are.”

“Wow, that bad? Wanna talk about it?”

“No, and I'm asking about you, stop avoiding my questions.”

“Fine, fine. I'm doing good. I'm working as an attorney for a small case right now. Jess is doing fine at the hospital and Bones is as happy as can be. How's things over there?”

“Fixed up the old lawn mower and Cas helped cut down the mini forest growing in the backyard. It still needs some cleaning up out there but other than that, the house is great.”

“Cas says you're not sleeping well.”

“I'm fine, Sam. It's just a new house in a new place. Why is he telling you that anyway?”

“In case you forgot, he  _ is _ my friend. He was just concerned about you.”

“Hey, uh, can I ask you something?”

“Pretty sure you just did but yeah, hit me.”

“Do you know what his… preferences are?”A hot blush began to rise to his cheeks again. 

“Hmmmm. I think he's bi, maybe demisexu- OH MY GOD DEAN DO YOU LIK-”

“Sam stop. It’s not like that.”

“Oh it totally is! This is great! Jess will be so excited and-”

“SAM, I SAID STOP, DAMN IT.” Dean shouted into the phone. He had stood up at some point during their altercation so he sat back down on the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut.

“Dean, I'm sorry, it's just you've always been so closed off about your sexuality and-”

“It's fine Sam. Can we please just… not talk about this right now?”

“Sure, ok.”

Dean relaxed a bit at the topic change. “We met our neighbors today.”

“Really? Are they nice?”

“There's three of ‘em living across the street together. One sparkly redhead and her girlfriend and their friend Kevin who also works as a cashier at the local grocery store.”

“They sound pretty great!”

“Yeah, well the definitely could be worse.”

“Dean, it was great talking to you but I think- BONES NO- I got to go. I’ll call you later, ok? Bye!”

Sam ended the call.

Dean puts his phone back on the charger and heads back downstairs. He was too tired to do anything other than sleep but he cant even sleep when he is tried so he went to the library instead.

Cas was sitting in one of the library chairs reading from one book while scribbling down notes in another. 

He looked so adorable like that, curled up sideways in that chair, a focused look on his face, his bottom lip tucked under his teeth, his raven colored hair sticking up in every which way, his light blue sweater riding up against the armrest of the chair letting a small sliver of his back be visible.

He tore his eyes away and chose a random book from a shelf. A shelf that Cas had filled with his own books because Dean didn't have enough to fill the last few. He never saw Cas bring in any books, just a suitcase and one trip of groceries that Dean had gotten.

“Hey Cas, when did you bring in all these books?” Dean turned to look at Cas, gesturing at the shelf with the book in his hand.

“On the second day I was here, you spent most of the day in your room so you didn't see me carrying them in and unpacking them.”

“Yeah but where did they come from?”

“Gabriel dropped them off for me.”

“And you didn't tell me to come meet him? We're living together for the time being, it would be nice to meet some of your family.”

Cas chuckled, “It would not, trust me.”

Dean nodded before placing the book back on the shelf.

“I think I will try to take a nap.” Dean spoke as he walked towards the library doors.

“That's a good idea. Sleep well.” 

Dean went upstairs to his room and closed the door. It was only around 10 but he was so tired. He pulled off his jeans and flopped onto his mattress, rolling up in the blankets. Not even 10 minutes later he was asleep.

~~~

It's dark when he wakes up. He is freezing cold and still exhausted. He sits up and looks over at his bed stand to check the clock. Midnight already? He has been sleeping all day! 

A shiver courses through his body followed by a yawn. Dean decides he will just go back to sleep and hope for no more bad dreams.

But they were a step ahead of him.

A hiss sounds from the end of the bed and Dean snaps his head away from the clock to look for the source of the noise. 

Towering above him is a dark mass with beady red eyes and a toothy smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some serious shadow monster action and some nice hurt/comfort with a dash of fluff next chapter!
> 
> Please tell me what your favorite parts were or some predictions for whats going to happen! Your comments and kudos GIVE ME LIFE!!! <3<3<3


	4. Almosts and Sunsets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a nicer chapter for you guys before stuff goes down. Its a little longer than usual but the length was necessary! 
> 
> I got a really nice comment that made me want to write so much that I wrote 3k in one sitting! Your comments and kudos mean a lot to me and help me write!
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
> mentions of past abuse and self harm
> 
> If you guys want updates on the progress of my writing or to see the layout of the Fletcher House, check out my [tumblr](https://wantstoflyafraidtofall.tumblr.com/) under the tag pieces of heaven and hell!

The creature's grin seems to grow when a wave of dread and fear streaked through Dean's body. His face pales and his eyes grow wide, he opens his mouth to scream but no sound comes out.

He can't move and isn't sure whether it's out of shock or the creatures doing. An icy black tendril extends from its body and slithers around to place its tip on the vertebrae right between his shoulders.

A cold wave rushes through Dean's body and control over his limbs is taken by the monster. He feels himself rise out of bed and turn to the door, his movements jerky and unnatural, like a marionette on a stage.

He opened the door and looked down the hall. It's just as dark as his room aside from the faint moonlight creeping in the downstairs window, laying pale shadows on the wooden floor of the entryway.

His body walked down the hall to the top of the stairs, his feet almost stumbling over each other as his body jerkily moved. Dean could feel the cold press of the shadow where it touched his spine and feel the brush of cool air on his shoulders as it slid along behind him.

Dean turned to face the staircase and lined his toes up with the edge of the first stair. He lifted his foot into the air, holding his leg out in front of him as his other leg wobbled slightly, the subtle flexing of the muscles in his foot keeping him upright.

The creature let out a short hissing sentence, “ **M** y hO **u** _ s _ ssS _ s _ s E ”

He felt the coldness on his back slowly pulling away, he began realizing he was balancing on his bad knee and it would buckle as soon as the supernatural crunch holding him up was pulled away. A dull ache was already beginning to present itself as the shadow continued to move away.

He filled with panic as the tendril lifted and the creature let out a hiss that if you listened hard enough, could sound like a chuckle. He closed his eyes, knowing his knee would buckle and he would tumble down the stairs and would likely be pushed down the next flight by the shadow as well.

He felt his knee give just as a pair of warm arms wrapped around his torso and he was pulled back from the edge. Dean opened his eyes, face pale and expression painted of fear and shock. He looked up and saw his housemates' worried face and wide blue eyes looking into his.

“Dean! Dean, Are you ok?” Cas asked, his warm hands gripping Deans shoulders.

“...Cas?” 

“Dean, what happened? You almost just let yourself fall down the stairs!”

Dean looked over at the stairs then back at the Man holding him against the wall by his shoulders. He couldn't meet Cas’s eyes so he kept them down. Cas was wearing a loose Stanford t-shirt and plain white boxers. 

Clothes like these fit Cas’s muscular form much better than his usual dress shirts and his well-loved trench coat. They make him look so much more carefree and open and cute. 

“I…” Dean started but stopped. The shadow was standing on the opposite balcony, its piercing red eyes staring directly at Cas. A violent shiver coursing through him and he leaned further against the wall.

“We will talk about this in the morning. Come on.” Cas said, backing up from Dean and looking at the balcony to see what he had been looking at but the shadow was already gone.

Dean nodded and followed Cas down the hall and into Dean's room. He heard the click of the door closing behind him and turned to see Cas walking towards the other side of the bed. Dean followed him with his eyes as he walked to the other side of the mattress.

What was Cas doing? Was he not going to head back to his bed?

Cas must have seen Dean's confused look, “I’m going to sleep in here tonight if that's alright. I would rather you not fall down the stairs.”

“You don't have to. I'm fine.” Dean managed to mumble out.

“You're right, I don't have to but you're my friend and this way I can be sure you wont get hurt,” Cas pointed at the bed, “Get in bed and go to sleep.”

“Are you always this bossy in the bedroom?” Dean chuckled

Cas just sighed and pulled back the blankets on his side of the bed before tucking himself beneath them. 

Dean laid on his side, facing away from Cas, embarrassed that Cas had saved him from falling down the stairs and now Cas was SLEEPING with him IN THE SAME BED.

It took only a few minutes for Dean to fall asleep. Knowing that someone was only just 2 feet away from him helped put him at ease. He drifted off to the soft sounds of Cas’s breathing.

~~~

Warm. Dean feels so warm and protected -- which is kinda new but he likes it -- all wrapped up under the sheets. Bright sunlight shines through the thin curtains covering the windows along Deans wall.

He takes a deep breath and snuggles deeper into his cocoon of happiness when he hears a low grumble from behind him.

Memories of last night hit him hard. Being controlled by the shadow. Almost falling down the stairs. Cas grabbing him and pushing his shaking body against the wall, saving him from falling down the steps. Cas falling asleep with him.

Dean opened his eyes and looked to see that Cas’s arms were wrapped around Dean, spooning him. 

Oh. 

Oh god.

Dean’s breath hitched and sprung up into a sitting position, pulling out of the warm embrace, his skin tingling where Cas had wrapped his arms around and he immediately missed their warmth. Cas pulled his arms close to his own chest and sat up.

Both men had a light blush on their cheeks and refused to look at each other. Focusing on the waving shadows of the trees leaves on the curtains.

Cas was first to break the silence. “Good morning, Dean. my apologies about… I guess I'm a cuddler in my sleep.” Cas finished, looking down at the floor.

“It’s fine man,” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat, “and, uh, thanks about last night.”

Dean heard Cas shift in the bed. He looked over at his housemate and met his concerned, blue eyes. Cas’s hair was always messy but his actual bedhead paired with his loose shirt with its collar sitting unevenly on his strong shoulders was just… wow.

“Are you ok?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, actually.” Dean wasn't really lying there. He had slept the best he had in nights. He was still really shaken about the shadow but that wasn't Cas’s problem.

Dean stretched his arms up towards the ceiling and let out a groan. He dropped them back down to his sides and slouched over a bit.

“I'm hungry, let's go eat.” Dean said as he rose from the bed and began making his way to the kitchen.

He got out some eggs and a box of pancake mix and started on making breakfast. A few minutes later, a disheveled Cas trudged into the kitchen and basically flopped onto the kitchen island.

Dean chuckled, “Dude, it's almost 10am and you look worse than I have all week.”

“Dean, we went to bed at 1 in the morning and unlike you, I don't do well without a proper sleep schedule.”

“I can tell.” Dean grinned as Cas lifted his head off the counter to glare at him. 

“So,” Cas began in a nervous voice, “Do you sleepwalk often?”

Dean flipped the pancake he had in the skillet and looked over at Cas, “No. It was just a bad dream and all the sudden you were pulling me away from the stairs.” He easily lied.

Cas nodded and laid his head back on the table. He looked so nice, laid out on the counter like that. His hair was long and messy and the loose collar of his shirt showed off a tantalus amount of skin.

He plated the food and slid Cas’s plate across the island to bump into his hand. Cas sat up and started to devour his pancakes.

“You should cook more often. You make great food and seem so happy when you're cooking.” Cas said through a bite of pancakes.

Dean sat up in his chair a little taller and his whole face seemed to light up at the compliment. He smiled at Cas and laughed before returning, “You should sleep in more often, you seem so much happier and relaxed.”

Cas’s cheeks reddened and he sheepishly looked away from Dean at his plate of food. They ate the rest of their brunch in a comfortable silence.

Dean gets up from his seat and walks over to Cas to take his plate. He reaches down to grab it but Cas catches his wrist and twists it to show the underside of his forearm. 

Dean’s short sleeve shirt left his scarred skin uncovered and easily noticeable and he completely forgot to hide it after the utter bliss this morning has been.

Deans breath hitches as Cas runs his eyes the length of his forearm. He lifts his face towards Deans and his eyes meet Deans wide, fearful ones.

He yanks his arm out of Cas’s gentle grip and takes both plates and drops them in the sink. He doesn't look at Cas on his way out of the kitchen because he doesn't want to see those pitying or disgusted looks on Cas’s face, nor have to answer all the questions he definitely has.

“Dean, wait!” Cas calls from the kitchen.

“I'm going to take a shower and get some clothes on.” Dean states and gestures at his t-shirt and boxers as he leaves the kitchen.

Dean goes into his room, locking both his bedroom and bathroom doors once they're closed, and starts the shower. He undresses and gets under the steaming water, letting it pour down on his face.

He suddenly feels the urge to curl up into a little ball and forget about the house, Cas, Sam, Bobby and Ellen, everything, so he sits on the ground of the bathtub and leans his head against the cool tile walls.

Sometimes, when a door slams in the distance, or a glass or beer bottle hits the floor, Dean flinches. He still remembers how almost every night since he was about 4 ½ his dad would come home from the bar, slamming both the car door and the motel door and either passing out on the couch or yelling and screaming at Dean.

Yelling about how he was a disappointment. How he was disgusting and worthless. How his only purpose in life is to protect Sammy, and that if he could, he would get rid of him.

How sometimes John would hit Dean and throw bottles at the wall, the brown glass shattering and raining down on the stained carpets of various motels. How some nights Dean couldn't sleep because of how bad his body hurt and how bad he wanted it to be over. 

But he couldn't leave because if he did, who would protect Sammy from their monster of a father. A father who saw his son kissing another boy and almost beating him unconscious and threatening the boy that if he ever saw him again, he would kill him. A father who saw Deans scars and told him he was weak and a disappointment.

There were tears running down his face. He held his forearms with his hands and hugged his arms to his stomach. He sat there, crying and wishing to forget till the water began to grow cold.

He stood up off the floor and quickly washed his hair and body before turning off the water and toweling off.

He put on his jeans and an old red flannel and took a deep breath before opening the door. He walked quickly down the hall and stairs. He was walking over to the table by the front door to grab his keys, hoping Cas wasn't in the living room or library to stop him.

“Dean? Where are you going?” Cas asked.

Dean froze then turned towards the living room where he saw Cas sitting on the couch writing in that funny little journal again. 

“I'm going to get some stuff to clean the fishpond and some brooms and mops for the basement. It's a wreck down there.” Dean replied still standing awkwardly in the entryway like a child caught sneaking out of the house.

“Ok,” Cas gave a small nod, “Are you sure you're ok?”

“God dammit, Cas. Yes, I'm fine.”

Dean turned on his heel and walked over to the table, snatching his keys out of the drawer. He walked out the door, not looking back at the house until he got into his car. 

He could see Cas sitting on the daybed in front of the large front window. He looked at Cas’s concentrated face staring down at his journal as he scribbled something furiously across its pages.

What is he doing in that journal? Maybe Dean should ask later. Cas was a journalist or something, right? Maybe it was story ideas or some kind of diary.

Dean stuck his key in the ignition and Baby rumbled to life. He pulled out his box of mix-tapes and chose one at random before putting it in the player.

Led Zeppelin's  _ What is an what should never be  _ started playing and Dean began to hum along to the familiar tunes. He drummed his fingers on the wheel in perfect sync with each song that came on as he drove down the hilly roads to the small downtown area.

Baby purred as he drove down the quiet roads surrounded by trees that only parted at the occasional driveway. The sky was a nice blue, dotted with light, wispy clouds and the air was warm and fresh.

He rolled his windows down and let his hand hang out the window as he sang out the lyrics to  _ Simple Man.  _

Going for a ride in the impala always cheered him up. Whenever he needed an escape, she was always there for him and never let him down. She is the only good memory of his father.

He pulled into the small lot and parked in front of the little hardware store. He went in and quickly found all the things he was looking for, thanking the old man at the register before leaving and loading his supplies into the back seat.

He takes the drive back home a bit slower, wanting to spend more time listening to music and feeling the purr of Baby’s engine as she cruises down the streets. 

When he did get back to the house, he took the stuff out of the back seat and carried it straight to the shed and got ready to work on the pond. He took the small pump and extension cord and set it up before bringing over a tarp and some scrub brushes and a hose.

He watched the murky water drain out of the shallow pond and flipped off the pump once it was empty. He pulled out the rocks sitting along the bottom and sides and laid them on the tarp, exposing the ripped up pond liner underneath.

Dean took out the liner and laid the new one in. He was working on trimming down some of the longer edges when he heard the sun room door drop closed. He turned and saw Cas walking towards him, two glasses of water in hand and a beer tucked under his arm. 

Cas walked over to Dean and held out the water and watched as he drained the entire glass before handing him the beer and walking back a bit to sit in the grass.

“Thanks,” Dean smiles at Cas who just nods and gives a small smile back.

Dean continues to work on the pond while Cas just watches. When Dean begins washing the rocks off with scrub brushes and a hose, Cas comes over and asks to help.

After about an hour, all the rocks had been cleaned and placed back into the pond. Dean grabbed the pump he had gotten and situated it at the bottom of the pond with its hose hidden in a larger pile of stones to act as a waterfall to help circulate the pond.

He turns on the hose and lets it begin to fill the pond with water. He takes a seat next to Cas in the grass, silently watching the pond fill up.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that this morning.” Cas whispers

“It’s fine. I just… don't like to talk about them and get a bit panicky when they are mentioned.”

“Yes, but I still acted immaturely and that was horribly rude of me-” Cas began waving his hands around and talking louder and faster.

Dean grabbed his shoulders and turned Cas so he was facing Dean, “Cas, buddy, it's ok. I’m ok.” 

Cas looked at Dean for a moment before nodding and relaxing his tense shoulders.

“Ok,” Cas said, turning one shoulder out of Deans grip but letting the other hand rest in place, “ok.”

They both turned back towards the pond which was slowly filling up with clean, clear water. The sun had begun to set behind the trees, the sky filling with purples and reds.

Dean felt Cas’s shoulder brush against his as they sat together, watching the sky paint itself with beautiful colors as the sun sunk below the horizon. Dean looked over at Cas and saw him looking up at the sky, a small smile on his face and the reflection of the sky in his eyes.

Dean smiled and his stomach filled with warmth. Cas looked so calm, so happy. 

When the sky began to darken, their shoulders were now fully pressed together and their pinkies brushing where their hands had fallen behind them to support themselves. 

He turned towards Cas who was already looking at Dean. They were so close together, their noses almost brushing together. He could smell the faint scent of the beer on Cas’s breath, the warmth in Dean's stomach seemed to blossom at the closeness and his arm tingled where it met Cas’s.

Cas took his hand in his and looked deep into Deans green eyes, still shining bright in the fading light. It would take just the smallest movement forward to bring them together.

Dean jumped when his pocket began to buzz. They both pulled away from each other and Dean fished his phone out of his pocket.

“ Sam.” Dean said into the phone.

“Hey Dean. Am I interrupting something? You sound annoyed.”

“No, it’s fine. Did you need something?”

“Oh, so Jess and I’s anniversary is coming up soon and we wanted to tell you that we were going to be going on a trip to Oregon to hike in the mountains.”

“Well that sounds fun. I hope you guys have a good time.”

“Thanks, well that's all I have for ya right now, but if anything important happens I call you and you do the same, ok?”

“Yup. Goodnight, Sammy.”

“Goodnight, Dean, talk to you later.”

Dean hung up and sighed. He stood up off the ground and offered a hand to Cas and pulled him up to his feet. He walked over and turned off the hose before heading inside after Cas.

They walked into the kitchen and took out the half a pizza from the other night from the fridge and ate it cold, saying nothing but exchanging long glances at each other every once in a while.

They finished off the pizza and threw the box in the recycling before heading upstairs. They went to their respective doorways and stood there a moment.

“Goodnight, Dean.” Cas said with a smile in his voice.

“Night, Cas,” Dean returned looking over at Cas and before he lost the courage to do so he asked, “Hey, can you, uh, you know…”

“Sleep with you tonight?” Cas suggested.

Dean nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “It was nice to not be alone, and I got the best sleep I've had in awhile.”

“Of course, Dean. Just let me get ready, I’ll be in in a moment.”

Dean beamed at Cas before walking into his room and getting ready for bed. He just finished brushing his teeth when he heard Cas knock on the door.

He let Cas in and they both climbed into bed. They were lying facing opposite walls, and a bit far apart for Deans liking. He could get away with just a little scootch back. 

He scooted back and hit Cas’s back who apparently had the same idea. Neither men moved away, instead they laid there, sharing each other's warmth until they fell into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, Sam Winchester, The Ultimate Cock-Block is here to join the fun!  
> I had a great time writing this chapter and hope you love reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I hope to have chapter 5 out soon!
> 
> I've heard from a few people in the past that they are scared/embarrassed to comment on a fic. Please, don't be! I love hearing from you guys, even if its just incoherent rambling, a few smiley faces, or a full 5 paragraph essay describing your favorite parts and predictions for whats going to happen!  
> If you want some tips, here are some posts that I found that are wonderful:  
> cheats for commenting  
> [commenting on fanfiction](https://elumish.tumblr.com/post/161246589496/on-fanfiction-commenting)
> 
> Your comments have sometimes brought me to tears because of how happy they make me! I will always reply to them also so feel free to chat about the chapter with me!
> 
> Have a nice day/night!!! <3<3<3


	5. Dread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with this chapter! I had some bad writers block so it took a while to write but I hope to have the next one out sooner. I also had to up the rating do to some of the things Dean had to endure in the past that I mention.
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
> LIGHT DESCRIPTIONS OF PAST RAPE!!! IF THIS BOTHERS YOU, STOP READING AT WHERE DEAN SAYS "Yes sir," AND START AGAIN WHERE IT SAYS "He didn't stand up."(its the last paragraph before the switch back to the present)  
> ALSO SOME HOMOPHOBIC AND DEROGATORY LANGUAGE.

Dean wakes up to the unfamiliar feeling of warmth and protection and curls deeper into it, craving the feelings. His thoughts were still fuzzy as he snuggled further into the heat. As he became more awake, his thoughts began to clear as he comes to a sudden realization of where he is.

He has his head snuggled into the crook of Cas’s neck, both his arms wrapped around his torso and one of his shins slotted in between Cas’s. Cas’s arms were wrapped around Deans midsection, his ankles crossed over Deans calf.

Dean’s body instantly tensed up and he pulled away from Cas and scooted to the furthest side of the bed before rolling onto the floor, landing on his hands and feet and scrambling to stand as he ran towards the bathroom.

He runs into the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He leans against the cool wood of the door and slides down to a sitting position. He hears muffled rustling and soft footsteps approaching the door. 

A few soft knocks shake the wood and he hears Cas’s concerned voice, “Dean? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, voice cracking. He clears his throat, “just peachy.”

“...ok, I’m going to go and make some coffee.”

“Ok I’ll be down in a minute.”

He waits till he hears the door to his room close before he lets the gates open. Tears stream down his face and gather at his chin before dripping onto his shirt.

He shouldn't be doing this. Not with Cas. 

Not with another guy.

\---

_Dean could feel the rough bricks scraping against his back through his shirt as he was pressed into the wall._

_The alleyway was dark. The perfect place to do this._

_Warm lips smashed into his mouth in a messy, hard kiss full of tongues and teeth. He moaned as the man's hands snaked under his shirt, fingers leaving warm trails on his back._

_Dean slid one hand up the man's shirt, letting it explore the warm skin while his other hand rested on the back of his head, fingers gently pulling on his curly hair._

_Heat begins to pool in his stomach as Dean pulls the man closer, their aroused bodies pressed together, only breaking apart to gasp for air before crashing together once again._

_“What the fuck it this?” A firm, raspy voice roared down the alley._

_The two men suddenly pulled apart to look at whoever caught them, still breathing heavily. Dean’s aroused body suddenly tensed up when he recognized the seething man at the entrance to the alleyway._

_“D-dad? This- Its not- He- '' Dean stuttered as John backed him into the corner of the alley and slapped him across the face._

_“You disgusting little faggot.” John growled, curling his lip like an angry dog._

_He grabbed Dean by the back of his neck and yanked him forward as he led him out of the alley and to the car. The other man fled the scene as soon as he had a clear shot to run without getting too close to John._

_He drove all the way to the motel in silence and got a separate room to not disturb Sam. John shoves Dean through the door into the room and points a finger at him._

_“Don’t you fucking move.” John snarled._

_John slammed the door but didn't leave. Instead he stood outside and pulled his phone out of his jacket and dialed in a number before pressing it to his ear. After a few minutes of conversing with whoever was on the phone, he hung up and came back into the room, a ferocious gleam in his eyes._

_“Don't worry, Dean, I thought we solved this years ago but now I'm gonna fix you and I can have my son back again,” John grined, “Now clean yourself up, I have someone coming over to help.”_

_“Yes sir.” Dean replied before heading to the bathroom to shower._

_He washed up quickly and exited the bathroom but the room wasn’t empty. A woman in a red dress and tight leather jacket with black heels was sitting legs crossed in a chair._

_Dean recognizes her as Jazmine, John’s favorite hooker. With a sinking feeling he realized what his Dad wanted him to do with her. She smiles slyly and rises from the chair before sauntering over to Dean, placing her hand on his bare chest and walking him back till his knees hit the bed._

_She curls her fingers around the towel and untucks it, letting it drop to the ground, leaving Dean completely naked before her. The hooker pushes his chest and he falls back onto the bed, too much in shock to resist._

_She kicks off her heels and slowly pulls out of the leather jacket as she crawls onto the bed over Dean, hands snaking over his body._

_The smell of strawberries and cigarette smoke intruded his nose as she laid against him._

_Her hands were everywhere. He wanted them gone. He wanted them to stop touching._

_He tried to push away but she just sat up and pulled off her dress before coming back down on him._

_He hated the feel of her lips. He wanted her to leave. He wanted to cry and scream. To escape. But he couldn't._

_John would then have nothing stopping him from hurting Sammy. Dean can’t leave._

_Dean moaned into his release, despite it being unwanted, Jazmines own climax followed shortly after._

_Jazmine stands from the bed and shuffles into the bathroom to clean herself up. She came back out and pulled on her skin tight dress and jacket before sliding into her heels and going to the door, giving Dean a small wave and a satisfied smirk before leaving._

_He didn't get up. He just laid there, tears streaking down his cheeks as he silently sobbed. Wishing for a normal, happy life. At least John didn't come back from whatever ditch he fell asleep in until a few days later._

\----

Fuck _bisexuality_ as Sam calls it. Dean is not going to pine over some guy who he's sharing a house with and will forget once he leaves. Having two straight, strong sons was probably his father's dying wish anyway.  
  


He’ll have to stop whatever is going on with Cas now before it goes too far. He has to keep their relationship as close to strangers as possible from now on. Only necessary interactions.

Dean stands up from the floor, his back cracking as it straightens from its uncomfortable position(that's about the only thing that's actually straightening right now) He cleans his face with a damp cloth, checking his reflection in the mirror.

Dean unlocks the bathroom door and steps out onto the hardwood floor. He puts on jeans and a flannel, he's ready to go downstairs but instead, he just stands there. He just stands and breaths.

He hates himself so much. 

_Pathetic_

_Cock sucker_

_Disappointment_

_Disgusting_

_Fairy_

_Twink_

_Filthy_

_Useless_

He can hear John's voice echoing a variety of insults and derogatory words in his head.

Dean just stands, counting his breaths. He tunes into his senses, trying to turn away from his thoughts.

The usual sound of birds or rustling leaves isn't there. A dry and empty silence fills the house, sending a cold shiver down Deans spine. He spins around on his heel, half expecting to see the shadow creature watching him but the room is empty.

The odd air doesn't leave until he enters the coffee scented kitchen. The sounds of the old Mr. Coffee pushing through another round of their caffeine demands and the clank of mugs as Cas sets the on the counter breaks the spell of silence that seems to rest on the house.

Cas pours him a mug and slides it across the island before pouring one for himself and sitting in the chair next to Dean. He angles his body towards Dean looking at the side of his face with a worried expression. 

Dean just sits, ignoring Cas and drinking his coffee in slow sips. He wanted so badly to talk to Cas, to make him smile and rid of the worried frown on his lips. But he instead sat refusing to meet his eyes and burying all his feelings.

He finished his cup and placed it in the sink. He turned and tried to hurry out of the kitchen but was stopped in his tracks by Cas’s deep voice.

“Dean?” Cas asked in a gentle, sad voice. An perfervid amount of emotion put in his worried frown.

“Leave it, Cas.” Dean said in a flat voice without meeting Cas’s gaze.

He left the kitchen and marched up the stairs all the way to his room. Closing the door hard behind him. Dean walks over to his bedside table and opens the drawer.

He takes out his old Walkman and puts the earbuds in his ears before falling back on his bed. He presses play and I Want To Know What Love Is begins playing. Dean scoffs then sits back up and stops the song, taking out the cassette.

He reaches in his drawer and checks the label this time before putting in an AC/DC tape. He laid back on the bed again as Shoot To Thrill filled his head. He tries to let the music cloud over his thoughts but they don't seem to be going away. 

He tries not to think of how sad Cas sounded. So abandoned and helpless. Dean had not even given him any explanation to… well, anything. He left him without any warning or even a reason and now all Cas could do is wonder what he did wrong.

Dean countered his thoughts. If he kept going with whatever they had, it would make it harder to leave. He is doing them both a favor by stopping this before it starts. This is for the best and-

A cold hiss can be heard through the music and the tirade of thoughts in his head. Dean bolts upright and pulls out his earbuds, looking around the room with wide, fearful eyes. But the hissing is gone.

He puts the Walkman back in his drawer and gets up from his bed. He walks to the door on the wall by his bed and opens it. Dean walks out onto the porch, bombarded by the sounds of outside that were seemingly not filtering through walls and windows today.

He wonders if it is the shadows doing but quickly tucks away the idea. He doesn't want to think of the strange creature in the house. He doesn't want to think at all. Not of his Cas, the shadow, his father, his mother, Bobby and Ellen, Sam… any of it.

Dean walks out onto the balcony and rests his elbows on the rail, tilting his head up to the blue noon sky and takes a deep breath of the fresh outside air. A gentle breeze blows through the trees and gently brushes Dean’s face.

He stands there, listening to the leaves rustle and birds sing to each other. He doesn't know how long he’s been standing out there but he doesn't care. His mind is clear and peaceful here.

His serene peace is interrupted by a burst of bright, bubbly laughter from down below. Through the canopy of the trees he can see the bright red hair of Charlie and the dark hair of Kevin. 

Dean backs up from the railing and goes back into the house, closing the door and letting the empty silence swallow him up once more. As soon as the door closes, the cold chill of being watched seeps into his bones, the turmoil of his brain instantly resumes.

He would have to go downstairs and talk to, not only the neighbors, but Cas. Dean ran his hand down his face and began making his way downstairs. He had just reached the bottom when he heard a knock. 

Cas walked out of the library, his shoulders were slumped and his steps slower than his normal brisk pace. He answered the door and straightened up as soon as he saw who it was. 

Dean walked up and stood just to the side of the door.

“Hello Charlie. I’m guessing this is Kevin. It’s nice to see you two.” Cas smiled at them.

Charlie rushed in and hugged them both, Cas first then Dean, who barely remembered to reciprocate the gesture. Kevin just walked in behind his bouncy companion and gave awkward smiles.

Dean plastered a grin on his face. “Come on back to the kitchen, I can make you something if you'd like.”

“That’ll be great! Thanks!” Charlie beamed up at him

“Yeah, thank you.” Kevin said, following Dean who was leading them to the kitchen.

They both sat at the counter while Dean rummaged through the fridge. He pulled out a 2 liter of Coke that Dean had definitely not bought and looked over at Cas who just shrugged and went on listening to Charlie rant about some asshat in one of her classes. 

Dean was a bit confused on the fact that Cas drank soda but also why did he put it in the fridge? 

He made the quick decision that he could make ice cream floats and set the bottle on the counter. He got vanilla Ice cream that he had bought(It was for the apple pie he bought but he didn't finish the tub) and set that down two before grabbing two glasses from the cabinet.

He scooped in the ice cream and poured in the soda before rummaging in a draw for some straws and spoons. When he found them he put them in the glasses then handed them off to Kevin and Charlie who both looked delighted at the treat and thanked him.

He sat down and began listening to the conversation going on between Cas and Charlie.

“-and after he glued Gilda’s binders together, he stole my pencil case and dumped it down the stairs! All we ever did to him was tie his shoelaces to his desk when he fell asleep during one of the lectures so he’d fall when he stood up! So later that day...” Charlie ranted

Dean began to tune out of the conversation. He was looking out the window above the sink when Kevin turned to him and asked a question.

“So, why'd you get the house?”

“My Dad’s friend, who is basically my surrogate father's wife, Ellen, inherited her great aunt's will. She knew I needed a place to stay after coming back from the military so she gave it to me.” Dean replied.

Kevin nodded. “You know, The house has been empty for so long because everyone thinks it’s haunted. The first owner of the house was said to be a witch who mercilessly slaughtered people in the basement and their spirits still reside here.”

Dean snorted but he felt a cold twist of worry in his gut. “Well it doesn't seem that haunted to me. Haven’t run into a single spirit.”

Charlie had decided that her conversation with Cas had grown old so she decided to move to theirs.

“No _KeViN_ , that’s not what’s haunting the house. There was some cult that broke in and sacrificed the children of old Fletcher's Granddaughter and _they_ haunt the house.” Charlie argues.

“No! Old Fletcher’s Granddaughter didn't have any children till she moved away so the timelines wouldn't match up!” 

Charlie and Kevin began bickering back and forth over who was haunting their house. Dean felt eyes on him, not creepy like the shadows, but still there. He looked up and saw that Cas was staring at him. He looked sad and confused.

Dean wiped his face of emotion and stared blankly back. He wouldn't let his weakness seep through his cracks, not again.

Charlie checked her watch and stood up from the counter. She and Kevin placed their empty glasses on the counter and thanked Dean as he led them to the door.

Dean braced himself, prepared for the hug he knew was coming. He watched Charlie hug Cas then she moved over to him.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly then stood on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear so no one else would hear.

“I don’t know what happened between you and Cas but please, fix it. It's hurting him.” She whispered.

Dean remained silent, not sure how to answer and Charlie backed away. She looped her arm through Kevin who looked fairly startled at the gesture before walking out the door and making their way down the drive.

Dean closed the door and sighed. He turned to head upstairs but his path was blocked by Cas.

“Dean, what's wrong?” Cas asked, his voice practically dripping with concern.

“Nothing. I'm fine.” Dean said and tried to push past his housemate.

Cas moved to block him again and spoke again, his voice now angrier and more stern. “No Dean, you're not fine. You woke up this morning and had some kind of panic attack and now wont even talk to me! You have been having nightmares since I’ve been here and I actually saved you from falling down the stairs!” Cas was fuming now. “WHAT IS WRONG DEAN!”

“IT’S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN CAS! You're acting like Sam! I told you I'm fine so why can’t you just leave it?” Dean yelled back

“Because,” Cas said in a small voice, “I care about you and your hurting and I want to help but I don't know how and I don't know if its my fault or something that happened in the past and seeing you like that and being able to do nothing makes me feel so useless-”

Dean grabbed Cas and pulled him into a tight hug. He heard Cas sniffle and could feel how shaky his breath was.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered, “I shouldn’t have cut you off like that. I- I’m not sure if I can tell you everything. Not all at once for sure, but I can try. You deserve an explanation.”

Cas released a huge shuttering breath and relaxed into Deans embrace. Dean held him for a few moments longer before releasing him and putting an arm around his shoulder and leading him into the living room.

The both settled on the couch and waited for the other to speak. Dean felt Cas’s eyes on him but he couldn't bring himself to look up and meet them.

“Wha-”Dean’s voice comes out a bit squeaky so he clears his throat and starts again, “What do you want to know?”

“What happened this morning?” Cas asked before adding, “Take as much time as you need, it’s ok.”

Dean sighed and looked up from the floor at Cas and began to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but like, not really. Hopefully, it will get better for these two idiots before it gets worse ;)  
> Thak you all for your comments! They are all so nice and make me so giddy inside!
> 
> [Black_Cat_Autumn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Cat_Autumn/pseuds/Black_Cat_Autumn) does this thing at the end of some of their fics where they ask their readers questions. I was inspired and wanted to ask you guys some questions to!
> 
> What's your favorite color/colors and why?


	6. Goldfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! Chapter 6 is finally done! Its a bit longer than usual so I hope you enjoy it!

“After mom died, dad changed. When I told you about all the fun times I had with him, I wasn’t lying. He was a great dad until her death. But after… not so much. He had good days but those were few and far between,” Dean took a deep breath, “The only reason I stayed is because I couldn't leave Sam with him and wouldn't have been able to take him with me. If I called child services we would be separated and I needed to protect him.”

Dean looked back up to Cas and saw his sad, questioning eyes.

“It’s ok, Dean. Take all the time you need.” Cas repeated.

Dean sat for a second before continuing, “I kept Sam out of the worst of it. He hardly remembers anything that happened. I learned Dads warning signs and would try to get Sammy out of the room and distracted before anything happens.”

A look of understanding followed by anger and sadness washed across Cas’s face. “Did he… hurt you?”

Dean drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “I could never be the son he wanted. I was always a disappointment to him. I still am. All he wanted was a strong son who would get married to a beautiful woman and give him some grand kids. And I… I couldn’t even do that.”

“Dean, that's ok.” 

“No, Cas, it's not. What kind of son can't even give his father his dying wish? What kind of son is so broken that he couldn't protect his own brother?”

Cas opened his mouth to reply but Dean held up a hand to stop him.

“It started when I was 13,” Dean rubbed his wrists. “, He was so disgusted and revolted by me. He broke my arm one night and wouldn't drive me to the hospital because he refused to let someone like me in his car. I had to walk. Once that cast was off, it began.

I managed to hide them from Sam but one night, dad saw them. He looked even more disgusted that I was so weak. Sam says that it's only proof of how strong I am to be able to be here today, walking and talking. Dad had different opinions on that. He believed that it was a sign of weakness and that you can only get stronger by getting used to pain.”

Cas had scooted closer to Dean. He had tears in his eyes and Dean guessed he was going to start crying soon if he continued but he needed to tell Cas what happened.

“The first time dad caught me with… a guy… was about a year after that,” Dean struggled to get the sentence out. “He threatened the other guy then beat me to the point I couldn't walk for the next week without a limp. That wasn't even the worst of it.” 

Tears had begun flowing down Deans cheeks and gathering at his chin. Cas’s cheeks were also wet with tears but unlike Dean, his eyes held a spark of rage behind the sorrow.

Dean stopped talking. He looked at Cas’s face and into those stunning blue eyes. As they sat, Cas’s face changed from a look of anger to a sad sort of admiration. Why he looked so awed by the puny mess of a man he is, Dean didn't understand.

Cas brought his hand to Deans face, cupping his cheek and used his thumb to wipe away a tear. He pulled Dean into a tight hug, rubbing gentle circles on his back and quietly shedding his own fair share of tears.

Dean collapsed into the embrace, letting the walls down and he began to sob into Cas’s shirt. He wrapped his arms around Cas and grabbed his shoulders, clinging to him with an almost bruising amount of strength.

“That's it, Dean,” Cas whispered. “Let it out. It's ok. I've got you.”

Cas continued to whisper words of comfort to Dean until he couldn't cry anymore. He just sat there, breathing in large shuddering breaths and trembling with each exhale. Dean began to relax, letting his grip on Cas loosen and he leaned further into his housemates body.

“Thank you for talking to me, Dean.” Cas spoke softly, “I can’t imagine what you went through. You’re so strong to have lived through all that and still be here today. So brave to have stayed and protected your brother. You’re a hardworking, kind man who is a  _ survivor _ and one of the best big brothers I have ever seen.”

Dean leaned off Cas’s shoulders but still kept his arms around him. He looked into Cas’s gentle eyes. They were a bright, clear blue, even in the dim light of the room. Cas was looking at Dean with awe and pity. He looked proud, despite the redness around his eyes and the wet streaks on his cheeks.

“You… Do- Do you really mean that?” Dean whispered in surprise.

He had expected Cas to leave or to tell him to get help and stay away from him. He thought that once Cas had figured out how broken and weak Dean really was that he would stop being friends with him.

But instead he was in awe of Dean. He held sympathy in his expression and hugged Dean. He let Dean cry into his shoulder and even shed tears of his own. 

“Of course,” Cas smiled, “why wouldn't I?”

Dean stared at Cas. He looked deep into those lightning blue eyes. He wants Cas. Kind, handsome, oblivious, Cas. Dean could get lost in his eyes, his voice, his warm touch.

But Dean can’t. Cas deserves better. Someone who is less broken and can give him back as much as Cas gives. Someone better than Dean could ever be.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” Dean asks.

Cas’s smile grows and nods his head slightly, “Sure, you can pick.”

Dean slowly pulls away from Cas’s arms and walks over to the stand under the TV. He opens a drawer and skims over all the different DVDs. He decides on Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, and puts the disk in the player before settling back down on the couch with Cas.

“I don’t think I’ve seen this movie before.” Cas says curiously.

“What! Dude, its fucking Indiana Jones! How have you never seen it before!” Dean gasps.

“Well, I never got to see many movies because my parents disapproved of them. They were both pretty religious, hence the angelic names of me and my siblings.”

“Well now we gotta watch all the good movies before you find your own apartment! I CAN NOT let you live the rest of your life without seeing these!” Dean’s heart sank a bit at the thought of Cas leaving but he shoved the feeling down and started the movie.

The movie started and Cas began watching intently, enthralled by Dr. Jones and his adventure. As the movie went on, Dean began to grow tired. He was leaning against Cas’s shoulder and paying way more attention to that then the movie.

Dean’s eye lids grew heavy and his head fell onto Cas’s shoulder. Cas shifted his arm to make it a bit more comfortable for Dean, reaching around him to pull the blanket higher around his shoulders.

Dean fell into a restful sleep, tucked into Cas’s side. Maybe things will get better.

~~~

For the third time now, Dean woke up warm and happy. His body ached due to the awkward position they fell asleep in on the couch last night, but he was still happy.

When Dean yawned, he felt Cas begin to stir beneath him so he leaned up off Cas’s shoulder so he could stretch out. 

The house was still an eerie quiet. He would ask Cas about opening up the windows later, but first, coffee.

Dean stood off the couch with a groan, his back popping. He made his way to the kitchen, his feet dragging slightly on the floor as he walked. 

After turning on the coffee machine, Dean got out a box of pancake mix, bacon, and a few eggs before getting to work. He found a box of blueberries in the fridge, popping one in his mouth before sprinkling a few onto the pancake sizzling on the skillet.

The scent of coffee bought a ruffled Cas trudging into the kitchen. He grabbed a mug for himself and one for Dean, filling them both with coffee but adding sugar and creamer to his own before taking a long sip.

Cas settled in one of the chairs across the island, taking drinks from his mug every once in a while as he watched Dean cook.

“Where did you get all the furniture for the house?” Cas asked in a gruff(more so than usual) voice.

“I found a shit ton of it in the basement. There are still a few chairs and tables down there but I haven't got to cleaning it out yet.” Dean said before flipping another pancake.

“I haven't seen the basement yet, we should check it out later.”

“Dude, what have you seen?” Dean laughed

Cas looked up at him with a confused look before finally understanding, “I have seen enough cooking shows to know that that is going to burn if you leave it there any longer.” He said, accusingly pointing at the pancake Dean was neglecting.

Dean laughed and flipped the cake, it was a bit brown but would still taste fine. Once he plated up the food, Dean handed a plate to Cas and took the seat next to him at the island.

Dean took time eating his breakfast. He wanted to spend time with Cas, and each time he finishes one thing he's doing with him, it opens a chance for Cas to leave. If Dean could stop time, he would. He would stop it in this moment so he could savor it for years.

The morning sun shone through the windows and he was warm and his belly was full of good food. He was sitting beside a person who makes Dean feel happy and forget about his pain for a while. 

Stopping time would keep Cas there. Dean would figure out his feelings and Cas would be there to help him the whole time. He wouldn't be alone again.

But Dean is like salt on watercolor. Cas would eventually grow sick of him and if not, he would move to his own apartment somewhere else and find someone else who is better than Dean could ever be.

“Dean, are you all right?” Cas placed his hand gently on Dean’s shoulder.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Just a bit spaced out.” Dean lifted his head from where he was staring at the counter and smiled at Cas.

“Thank you for breakfast. I’m going to go and shower if that’s all right.”

“No problem, buddy. I’ll clean up the kitchen and take a shower myself I guess.”

Cas smiled a bright, wide smile before shuffling out of the kitchen. Dean could hear his gentle footfalls as he walked up the stairs. Dean grabbed Cas’s plate and stacked it on his own before carrying it over to the sink.

He began to rinse the plates, loading them into the dishwasher when a cold chill crept up his spine. Dean spun around, fully expecting to see the shadow creature lurking behind him, but the room was empty and temperature completely normal.

Dean turned back to the sink and quickly finished doing the dishes. He wiped the counters and put away the leftover food before heading out of the room.

He began walking up the stairs, using the railing to help his bad knee. He reached the first landing where the stairs split when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. Dean turned and almost swore we saw the creature slipping around the back of the stairs but decided it would be best to ignore.

When he finally made it into the shower, he welcomed the rush of warm water on his skin. He took his time washing the shampoo out of his hair and watching the bubbles slide down his body and into the drain. He steps out of the shower and grabs a towel from the rack and dries off.

Dean wrapped the towel around his waist and went to the closet to get a fresh pair of clothes. Once dressed he picked up the towel he discarded on the floor and went to hang it back up in the bathroom but stopped in his tracks when he saw the reflection of the shadow looming over his shoulder in the mirror. 

He spun around but was surprised to see nothing there. He turned back around to the mirror but it was only his face looking back. He released a shaky breath and hung up the towel.

He needs to get out of the house for a bit. Dean made his way downstairs and put on his boots before grabbing his keys off the table by the door. He grabbed the door handle and was about to pull it open when he heard Cas call his name.

“Hello, Dean. Where are you going?” Cas asked from the library.

“Just going for a ride,” Dean paused for a moment, “Wanna come with?”

A bright smile lit up Cas’s face that made Dean feel all happy and warm inside and he nodded his head.

Cas stood and put on his own shoes, following Dean out of the door and closing it behind him. They walk to Dean’s car and get inside.

Dean settles into his seat and buckles his seat belt and looks over to Cas who was still buckling in. He could smell the warm honey scent of Cas’s body wash with subtle tones of something that could only be described as ‘Cas’.

Cas looked up and met Dean’s gaze, a small smile spread across his face. Dean gave a big grin of his own and started up Baby. She rumbles to life and Dean feels relaxed surrounded by the sweet smell of Cas and the soft purr of the impala.

He pulls out of the drive and onto the long rolling street. “Wouldn't It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys was playing quietly from the impala’s speakers, a feeling of bliss floated through the air. It was in the breeze that brushed against Dean’s face and rustled Cas’s dark hair as they drove over the gentle hills. 

Cas let his arm dangle out the window, his hand riding the wind. He looked so peaceful leaned up against the door, a soft smile on his lips and his lightning blue eyes sparkling with life as he gazed out the window.

Thank god they were on a back road with not many cars because Dean only had his eyes on the road 50% of the time he was driving. He reluctantly pulled most of his attention to the road once they reached town.

They drive past the array of small local shops and a few chain stores. 

“Dean! We should go get some fish for the pond!” Cas exclaims and points out the window at a small pet store sitting between the hardware store and TF store. 

How did Dean miss that when he went to get the stuff for the pond from that little hardware store?

He pulled Baby into the small lot and parked right in front of the little pet shop. As soon as the car was in park, Cas was out of the door and waiting excitedly for Dean to follow.

A small bell rang above the door as they entered the shop. A tall man with long gray hair and a short beard walked out of a back room and stood behind the register.

“Hello, my name's Cain. How can I help you today?” The man asked

“Hi, I’m Dean and this is my friend Castiel. We just fixed up an old fish pond in the back of our house and were looking for some fish for it.” Dean replied.

“Outdoor fish are in the tank in the back corner. By the empty tanks” Cain said, gesturing towards the back of the store.

Cas thanked the man and made his way back to the large tanks of koi and goldfish. He walked right up to the glass and watched the fish with the intensity of a child. It was cute.

Dean walks up behind Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to pick out some fish?” Dean asks.

Cas nods and Cain walks over with a few small plastic tubs and two nets. He hands one to each of them and slides over some stools so they can reach the tank better. Dean fills his tub part way up with water and begins trying to catch a big orange and black fish darting along the side.    
  


By the time he catches the fish, he sees that Cas has 2 already in his tub and has started on a new one. Dean finally gets a second fish in his and closes a lid on the top. Cain takes the tub and sets it on the counter by Cas’s. 

They each catch one more fish--Dean a bright orange one and Cas a white speckled one-- And put them in a tub before stepping off their stools and heading over to the register.

Cain told them a bit about care and maintenance for the fish before ringing them up and saying goodbye. Cas took all three tubs stacked nicely on top of each other in his lap once they got to the car.

The ride home took much longer but Dean didn't mind. He had to drive slower(Cas kept asking) so it wouldn't shake up the fish too much. He enjoyed watching how fascinated Cas was by the small orange fish.

“Have you ever had a pet before?” Dean asked, glancing over at Cas.

Cas lifted his eyes away from the fish, “No, have you?”

“No but I helped take care of Sammy’s dog, Bones, sometimes.”

“We should name them.”

“What?”

“We should give the fish names.” Cas repeated.

Dean and Cas spent the rest of the ride discussing the names of their 6 new fish. By the time they reached home, they had decided on the names  Buddy, Cinnamon, Ralf, Carl, Debbie, and Fiona

Dean helped Cas carry the fish to the back and adjust them to the water before carefully dumping them in the pond. They watched the fish swim loops around their new home. Cas’s arm was pressed against Dean’s, the touch warm and solid.

Dean stayed there for a moment, wanting to savor the feeling. He heard his stomach grumble and looked over at Cas who was still watching the fish. Dean checked his watch, 5:37pm.

“I’m gonna start on dinner. Burgers sound alright?” Dean asked Cas.

“That sounds great, thank you, Dean.” Cas smiled u[ at him before looking back at the fish.

Dean stepped away and went into the house, taking his shoes off in the sun room before entering the kitchen. He pulled a package of ground beef from the fridge and set to work on the meat.

He sliced up some potatoes and seasoned them up before laying them in a pan and placing them in the oven. Dean grabbed the plate of raw patties and carried them out to the old grill by the shed.

Cas had gotten out a lawn chair and his journal and was writing while watching the fish. Dean smiled at how cute he looked hunched over that book, his bottom lip tucked under his teeth and brows furrowed in concentration.

This was so perfect. The smell of burgers cooking on the grill, the warm air and soft breeze, his adorable friend memorized by his new goldfish. Even Dean’s knee felt better than normal. 

When the burgers were done, Dean carried them back inside on the plate and set them on the counter. He pulled the fries out of the oven and sprinkled them with salt before getting some buns and two plates and serving up the food.

He tucked two bottles of beer under his arm and picked up the plates off the counter, using his shoulder to push open the doors and head outside.

Cas had set up another chair beside him while Dean was inside and was now looking out at the trees. Dean had discovered a while ago that Cas was fascinated by nature and all its wonders but he didn't know how cute it was to see Cas looking in awe at everything from inchworms to the moss on a rock.

Dean walked up and held out the plate for Cas. He took it and set it on his lap, reaching back up for the beer Dean was offering.

Once Dean sat down in his own chair, Cas picked up the burger and examined it in his hands before taking a bite. He groaned then took another huge bite out of the burger. 

Dean chuckled. “It’s even better when you chew it.”

Cas set the half of the burger he hadn't eaten yet and swallowed his bite, turning to look at Dean. Dean felt his mouth go dry as he watched Cas’s neck muscles work as he very visibly swallowed his food.

“The food is great, Dean, thank you.” Cas said.

“Yeah, no problem.” Dean replied, still in a haze.

Cas practically inhaled the rest of his food and set his plate on the ground when he finished. He sat back in his chair slowly sipping his beer while watching the fish swim lazy circles in the pond.

Dean finished shortly after, relaxing into his chair with his own beer.

“Man, six siblings must’ve been crazy. One was hard enough.” Dean sighed

“The age differences made it a bit easier I guess. I never really got along with any of my older siblings other than Gabriel, but even he could be an assbutt. Anna and I got along really well until she left to live with her boyfriend.”

“What’d the others do that made you not like ‘em so much?”

“Micheal was always about himself. He was the oldest and bossiest of us all but Lucifer is a close second there. Luci was always the ‘bully’ of the house. The one to take your stuff and break it or glue tacks to the seat of your chair. Uriel was such a rule follower and do-gooder that he was no fun to be around, I don't think he even has many friends. Naomi is sly and manipulative. She is easily one of the smartest members of the family in the sense that she can get whatever she wants from you with little effort on her part.”

“Man, they sound like dicks.”

“They weren't that bad once you got used to it but I was glad to leave that house.”

“I would be too. Sammy and I always got along pretty great. Whenever we fought, we would make up by the end of that day or the next morning. He was always such a great kid.”

“And you're a great big brother, Dean. Sam is lucky to have you and not someone like Micheal or Lucifer. Not even Gabriel was as good as you are and he was the nicest one of my siblings.”

Dean felt heat rise in his cheeks and a faint prickle of tears in his eyes. “I- uh- thanks. You- you said Anna left to live with her boyfriend, right?”

“Yes. She got with someone she met in high school. He was abusive and manipulative. He had her cut us off and leave.”

“Man, that's terrible.”

“I don't think about them much other than Gabe. I never really knew my mother and my father was a neglectful alcoholic so I don't enjoy thinking about my family much.”

“Well I guess we both had pretty sucky childhoods. But hey, look what we have now! We have a  _ fish pond! _ ” 

Cas laughs and Dean joins in. They finish their beers in comfortable silence, watching the sun set beneath the trees and listening to the bubble of the pond's waterfall.

Dean takes Cas’s plate and sets it on his before taking it inside the house. He rinses them and loads them in the dishwasher. He’s drying his hands on a dish towel when Cas comes inside.

They go upstairs and go to their separate rooms to get ready for bed but shortly after, Cas comes back to Dean’s room and they both curl up under the blankets together.

Cas rolls towards Dean and drapes an arm over him and they snuggle up under the sheets, relaxing at the sounds of each other's breathing. Dean falls asleep happy and warm, completely unaware of the inky black shadow grinning at him from the dark corner of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got some nice moments with Cas helping Dean in this chapter. I'm hoping to get more of it in here eventually but it might not make it. However, I have some great plans for the next chapters! 
> 
> My school is handling going back really badly so I may have trouble finding time to write. I will try my best to update frequently!
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Today's question: Do you have any pets and if not, what pet/pets would you want?


	7. Playing With Fear and Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 7! I tried to get this done fast and a lot of it was a PAIN to write but I did it! Hope ya'll enjoy!
> 
> ****TRIGGER WARNING****  
> Mentions of suicidal thoughts, past rape, and slight homophobic language!

Dean is standing on the balcony. He doesn't remember getting out of bed or coming out here, but he is.

It’s a cool night, the sky is dotted with dark clouds but you can still see the sky peeking through. It’s a new moon tonight, only the stars lighting up the dark night world.

He can’t move. He’s stuck again. The shadow is looming right next to him, looking over the balcony as if longing to leave. Or make someone else leave.

Dean can feel the cold press of the creature on his back but it's different this time. It’s taken control of his emotions, making him feel some sort of empty, like the silence plaguing the house.

It has Dean move to the edge and begin climbing up the wide rail. Despite his fear of heights, Dean feels nothing, his mind is empty. He doesn't fight to climb off or call for help, he doesn't even fully register what's happening.

He stands on the wide, flat top of the railing, the breeze ruffling his loose sleepwear and messy hair, feeling the slight tense of the muscles in his feet and legs as he balances precariously on the edge.

“Dean what are you- DEAN!” Cas wakes from his half sleep when he sees Dean standing on the ledge.

The shadow pulls back, letting Dean stand without assistance on the ledge. It slides back against the wall, watching.

Cas sees a dark flicker of what looks like an ink black shadow holding Dean at the rail before he lunges over to him and reaches for him, pulling him back and catching him in his arms as he falls to the ground.

Dean still feels dazed and a bit confused as he lies partially in Cas’s lap, looking up at his roommate with unfocused eyes.

“Dean... Dean, can you hear me? Are you okay?” Cas was asking, gently cupping Deans cheek, keeping his head from rolling around.

The realization of what just happened hit Dean like a punch in the stomach. He felt his heart jump and his breath quicken. His eyes grew panicked and he sprung out of Cas’s lap and stood, ready for attack and searching for the shadow.

Cas was on his feet almost as fast and ushered Dean inside and back into the bed, wrapping him in a blanket and sitting him up against the headboard.

The lamp on Cas’s side of the bed(Cas gets his own side now) Is on, casting a creamy yellow light over the room and making the shadows soft and fuzzy at the edges.

“You're going back to bed and we are talking about this in the morning.” Cas says as he gets back into bed after giving Dean a once-over, checking for injuries. 

Cas turns off the lamp and Dean quickly falls into a deep sleep.

~~~

Dean spends the next day dodging and deflecting the questions Cas throws at him. By noon, Cas went from asking questions to angrily staring at him.

It was hard to spend the day with Cas giving him the silent treatment but Dean found plenty of ways to distract himself. He even tried to have staring contests with Cas but he always had to forfeit.(Man, does Cas even need to blink?)

By evening, Cas had calmed down a bit, coming to the conclusion that this may be a sensitive topic and it would take time and patience to get Dean to talk about it. Dinner was much more pleasant now that Cas wasn’t glaring him down or drowning him with inquiries about last night.

They ate the rest of the leftover spaghetti and meatballs from earlier that week and cleaned up the kitchen. Dean asked if Cas wanted to watch a movie but he refused, telling Dean that he should get some sleep.

It was only 9 but after last night, Dean was tired. He pretended to protest but followed Cas up the grand staircase and back to his room and got ready for bed. 

Cas pulled Dean into his arms as soon as they got into bed, hoping that it would help keep him there instead of wandering around in the middle of the night. 

Dean didn't complain, hoping he would wake up in bed and not one step away from his death. He felt safe in Cas’s arms and was sure he would get one more decent sleep before the shadow came back.

They drifted off to the sounds of each other's breathing, protected underneath the covers from the rapidly cooling air seeping into the room.

~~~

Dean was shivering. It was  _ freezing  _ and he was only wearing boxers and a T-shirt. 

He was standing in the kitchen in the corner where the counters along the wall met. He held a sharp, gleaming steak knife in his hand which was shaking.

Panic rose in his chest. How did he get down here? Why is he holding a knife? Why is it so fucking cold?

“Dean.”

Dean’s shivering stopped and he widened his stance to a more defensive one. He knew that voice but it can’t be him.  _ It can’t. _

He looked up from the blade in his hand to the direction of the voice, his stomach dropped and the blood drained from his face.

His father was sitting at the island, hands folded beneath his chin. He glared at Dean with stone cold eyes, examining the man standing before him with the scrutiny of an Olympic judge.

“You know, I was proud to have two sons,” John began, “I was gunna teach ‘em how to grow up and be good, strong men. They were gunna get married to nice, pretty ladies and give me lots of grand kids.”

John stood and walked behind his chair, gripping the back, eyes never leaving Dean’s.

“Who knew that one was gunna be such a disappointing, disgusting little cocksucker? That after fix’n ‘em two times, he would still be a broken little faggot.” John practically spit the words at Dean, eyes filled with anger and disappointment.

“Y-your- you- you can’t- your  _ dead. _ ” Dean stuttered in a small voice.

“Don’t go changing the subject!” John snapped, “It’s just me ‘n you now, Dean. Sammy ain't here to keep me from fixin’ the problem in this family anymore! I can do whatever I want with ya an’ ain’t nobody here to stop me!”

John advanced towards Dean his hands balled in tight fists by his sides. Dean raised up the knife before dropping it back down and raising it again. It’s his Dad, could he really hold a knife to his dad?

“HA! That knife ain't for me, boy. Remember, I’m  _ dead.  _ Now I wish you would be too so I can watch you burn in hell with those other fairies you flit around with.”

Dean’s hands were shaking again. The knife was for  _ him _ . His father was here to kill him.

“I never really wanted you. I only kept you around to watch Sam, even then, it was a big debate on whether you more of a help or a pain. I trained you up anyway though and I was proud. I thought I finally had a good son, but then I catch you makin’ out with a  _ man. _ I never fixed you. You were still just as much of a disgusting little waste of space as you were before, maybe even more then.

“I remember you could barely walk the next day after I was done with you. I thought that that was the end of it, that you were all better. You told me you were. And I was so naive and proud of my ability to fix you, I believed it.”

“If you're here to kill me, get it over with already.” Dean said in a shaky voice, his whole body trembling.

John ignored him and continued. “You were 18 the next time I caught ya with another guy. He ran off when he saw me, that coward. I took you back to the motel and got you another room and called up Jazmine. 

“She came, I paid up some extra money to keep it quiet, and I thought I had finally found the way to fix you. She left satisfied and I never saw you with another man ever again.

“Not until now. I should have known you were beyond repair. That you are rotted to the core and no matter how hard I try, you can’t be fixed. You will always be a filthy little cocksucker and that won't change till the day you die.”

Dean could feel the tears leaving warm trails down his face. He held the knife in both hands but they still were shaking violently.

“You can still do it, Dean. You can still make me proud.” John’s tone became gentle.

Dean looked down at the knife. John wants him to do it himself. To take the knife and let it slide along the soft skin of his throat. Let the blood pour out of his body and stain the kitchen tiles.

He wants Dean to join him in some afterlife where he can be proud of his son and not revolted.

He continues to stare down at the shining blade in his hands. It is so sharp, it would be so easy. He could end it all now.

The door banged open on the other side of the kitchen and Cas ran in, spotting Dean immediately. Cas began to head to Dean but stopped when he saw the knife in his hands.

“Dean, don’t! Put it down!” Cas yelled.

“This is your final chance, Dean.” John warned.

Dean looked at Cas with wide, panicked eyes, flicking them back and forth between his father and his housemate.

A sob burst out of Dean’s mouth and he fell to his knees dropping the knife onto the floor and sliding it away from both him and Cas.

Cas ran over to Dean and wrapped him in his arms, letting him brokenly sob into his shoulder.

“I-I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean sobs, “I shouldn’t even be here.”

“No, no, no, Dean. You belong here. I wouldn't trade anything for you to leave. I want you here. Sam wants you here. Kevin and Charlie want you here.” Cas whispers gently while softly petting Deans hair.

Dean cried for what seemed like hours before his breaths became softer and the tears stopped falling. Cas picked him up and carried him bridal style into the living room, gently laying him down on the couch.

“I’ll tell you.” Dean rasps, his voice weak from the crying.

“What?” Cas says.

“I’m gonna tell you more.”

“No, Dean, you don't have to, not right now-”

“No. I’m telling you now because you should know.”

Dean waits for Cas to refuse to let Dean speak again but he just settles down on the couch by Dean’s feet, facing him.

“Ok.”

“Dad got into drinking when Mom died. He was sad and angry. He couldn't handle it. I was always a disappointment to him so naturally, he took that anger out on me. He didn’t have a preference on how, belts, bottles, fists, sticks, words, the only thing he did was make sure Sammy didn't see and that it could be covered up by a shirt.

“Some days, I couldn't even sit down. After he caught me with a guy the first time, I could barely walk. The second time, he hired a prostitute to “fuck the gay out of me”. I was around 18 at the time.

“Even after he believed he fixed me, the beatings didn't stop. Not until he got sick and Sammy and I went to live with Bobby. Once Dad died, I still could hear his words wherever I went. It’s like he never left.

“I went to therapy for a bit but stopped when I went to the military. When I got sent back home, Sam tried to get me to start again but I didn’t wanna.

“I was doing ok before I came to this house, Cas. It wants me gone. It kept me awake in the beginning, that's why I was always so tired. That time you stopped me from falling down the stairs, It was like controlling me. Last night, It made me stand up on that ledge, I didn't even know what was going on till I was on the ground.

“Tonight, I woke up in the kitchen with a knife… and my father. He wanted me to kill myself, Cas. He said he would forgive me.

“This house wants me dead.” Dean finished. 

Tears were rolling down Dean’s face again and he sat curled into himself in the corner of the couch.

Cas was looking at Dean, eyes brimming with tears and sadness masking over the shock he felt. Cas had thought he had seen  _ something  _ every time this happened. 

A shadow on the balcony across the entryway, a shadow holding him on the rail, a shadow in the back corner of the kitchen. They were all brief flickers of it but what if Dean was right?

“We’ll figure this out, Dean.” Cas soothed.

He scooted closer to Dean and held out his arms. Dean shifted towards Cas and leaned into his embrace, curling up in the solid warmth of his friend's body. Cas held him close, softly running his fingers through Deans hair.

Cas listened as Dean’s breathing became slow and calm. He watched his friend's chest rise and fall in even breaths and tried to match his own rhythm to its rhythm but he couldn't shake the feeling of being watched.

He couldn't stop thinking about the shadow thing Dean had mentioned. Even though he had seen it, it couldn't have been real. They are just stressed and need some time to clear everything up and relax.

Cas grew eased as he rationalized the odd things he saw that night. He shoved the uneasy feeling into the back of his mind as his eyelids grew heavy. This will all make more sense in the morning.

~~~

Cas wakes up first and it definitely does not make any more sense than it did last night. If anything, he was more terrified of what happened now then he was last night.

Dean was curled in between Cas’s chest and the back of the couch, allowing Cas to get up without disturbing Dean much easier than if he was in the same position they fell asleep in.

He got up and crept quietly to his room and grabbed his phone off the charger. He knew exactly who to call. The line rang three times before it was answered and a cheery voice came through the speakers.

“Hey, Cas. Is everything alright?”

“Sam, I… I think Dean should come stay with you for a bit.”

“What? Did something happen?” There was a note of panic in Sam’s voice.

“No- Yes. Kinda. I don't think it’s my place to share what happened but I think Dean would be safer with you.”

“Okay, I’ll come pick him up as soon as I can. Don’t tell him I’m coming or he’ll find an excuse to stay there.”

“Thank you, Sam. I’ll watch him till then.”

“Thanks, Cas. See you soon.” 

Sam ended the call and Cas set his phone back on the table, feeling better now that getting Dean somewhere safe was set in motion.

Dean woke up without the, now familiar, feeling of another body against his. He sat up, keeping the blankets pulled tightly around his shoulders to preserve warmth.

He looked over through the archway into the foyer to see Cas trying to tip-toe back into the living room, changing to a normal but still light footed walk when he saw Dean was awake.

Dean scooted over to make more room for Cas, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and lifting up one side of the blankets for Cas to go under. Once they were settled shoulder-to-shoulder underneath the blankets, Dean turned on the TV and began searching for a good movie.

They settled on The Princess Bride(“Come on, Cas! How have you not seen The Princess fucking Bride!”), finishing the movie before surrendering to their growling stomachs.

Dean got out the remainders of the pancake mix and got to work while Cas sat at the counter, watching. 

He had to admit, telling Cas felt kinda nice and made his worry a lot easier to shove down now that there was an empty space for it. 

Dean looked up and saw Cas watching him and smirked.

“See something you like?” Dean winked over at Cas.

Cas folded his hands under his chin, a sly smile on his lips. He let his eyes drag up and down Dean’s body, flicking his tongue out across his bottom lip, “Maybe.”

Dean felt a flush rise to his cheeks as he looked back at the pancake sizzling on the skillet. 

They plated up their food and began to eat in a comfortable silence, their mouths to full to say anything as they scarfed down their pancakes.

They left their dishes in the sink when they finished and raced back out to the couch. Dean grabbed the blanket away from Cas, who then grabbed a corner and tugged it back from Dean.

“Oh so that’s how it's gonna be, huh?” Dean smiled and got into a pouncing stance.

Cas laughed and balled the blanket in his arms. Dean pounced grabbing the blanket from Cas and freeing it from his grip with a sharp yank.

“Ha, I win!” Dean grinned triumphantly.

“What makes you think that?” Cas smirked before tackling Dean.

They spun around, Dean holding the blanket just out of Cas’s reach while he climbed around Dean trying to grab it.

Dean’s knees bumped into the couch and he fell back, dropping the blanket and Cas being tugged down after him. Cas was straddled over Dean, pinning his hands just above both sides of his head.

Both men were breathing heavy from the tussle, the blanket discarded on the floor.

Dean looked up at his housemates flushed face and into those deep, ocean eyes. He could get lost in those eyes, their stunning shades of blue that seemed to have an endless depth. 

Cas’s pupils were slightly blown, it may be from the dim lighting, but there was also this look, almost like longing, like half a question. Strong but restrained. Timid.

Dean glanced down at Cas’s perpetually chapped lips. They were slightly parted and looked so  _ soft.  _ Dean flicked his gaze back up to Cas’s eyes to see his pupils had dilated even more.

Dean ran his tongue along his bottom lip, wetting it slightly. He watched Cas’s eyes move down and catch the motion before moving back to look at Dean.

Cas lowered towards Dean, their hips settling together causing Dean to gasp, Cas was only an inch away from his face now, eyes dark and hooded, Dean's hands still pinned above his head and their bodies connected waist down.

There was a sudden, loud rap on the door that caused Cas to jump up from Dean, a deep rosy flush covering his face and most likely an identical one on Dean’s.

Dean looked away from Cas, not wanting him to see this ridiculous blush or how turned on Dean had actually been.  They smoothed over their clothes and walked to the door, pulling the heavy oak wood open to see who was outside.

“Sam?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School starts up tomorrow so depending on how it all works out with Corona, Chapters may take a bit longer to come out. I will try my best to write in my free time and get more chapters out soon!
> 
> I had someone ask if I could add some smut somewhere in the future. I was thinking maybe one scene during the end. I could make it its own separate chapter so those who don't want smut can skip it but I was wondering, how many of you want a smut scene?
> 
> Question of the day: Favorite word?/words you like?


	8. Escapes and Iron Bars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Chapter 8! It took me a while with school and the next chapters will most likely take some time as well, but I got it done and am going to work hard to get the rest done too! I would estimate around 4-5 more chapters, maybe 6 depending on how things work out.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Sam?” Dean asked, confused.

He knew his brother had gotten back from his trip with Jess a few days ago but didn't expect for him to visit this soon. He’s trying to hide it, but Sam’s nervous, he keeps shifting his weight and tucking his princess hair behind his ear.

“Uhhh, am I interrupting something?” Sam questions, glancing between his brother and Cas.

“No, come in.” Cas says.

A tense feeling follows Sam inside the house. He is practically radiating with worry even though he is doing his best to hide it. Even Cas seemed a bit nervous. Did something happen?

They walk into the library and sit, the uncomfortable air following them and making their postures awkward and tense. A feeling of unease set into Dean’s stomach, he felt out of the loop. 

Sam and Cas’s quick glances at each other made him squirm in his seat. They weren’t telling him something.

“So, what brings you to our humble dwelling?” Dean says nonchalantly, trying to hide his anxiety.

“Oh, uhm…” Sam traded another look with Cas, “I wanted to know if you wanted to come stay with Jess and I for a bit.”

“Why would I-”, It suddenly made sense. Sam, appearing unannounced the morning after the knife incident and asking Dean to leave with him. 

He turned his attention to Cas who was growing extremely nervous. He met Cas’s eyes with a stone hard glare, Cas looked down at the floor guiltily.

“What the hell, Cas!” Dean hissed, “You called Sam to take me away like some teenager in detention!”

Cas was looking at him with wide, apologetic eyes, “Dean I-I-I’m sorry, but-”

“But what, Cas?” Dean rose from the chair, glaring down at him, “Does “let's figure this out” mean kicking me out and solving this on your own now?”

Sam rose from his chair and tried to angle himself in between Cas and Dean, “Dean, stop! He is just worried for your safety!”

“How much did you tell him, Cas!”

“He didn’t tell me anything other than he was worried about you, Dean! He said you would like to have the option to share what happened yourself.”

Dean was about to yell again but held back. He took a step back from his brother and housemate, turning away from them. He took a deep breath and sighed, letting his shoulders relax.

He knew this was going to happen. He knew Cas would get rid of him one way or another. Everyone gets rid of him one way or another.

They see how broken he is, how he can't be fixed, how he is just a mess of problems in a pretty package. And then they get rid of him like a hand-knit sweater from your grandma that you would never wear.

“I guess I should go pack.” Dean said as he began walking out of the room.

A hollow feeling ate away at Dean while he packed his duffel with a week's worth of clothes. He didn't know how long he would be gone but he would just wash and re-wear the stuff he brought.

He was grabbing some shirts from the dresser when he heard footsteps behind him. He knew who it was without turning around and a burst of annoyance flared in his chest.

“Dean?” Cas said quietly.

“That’s me.” Dean replied, not looking towards the doorway where Cas stood.

“I...I’m sorry. I’m just worried that I can’t protect you. That you’ll get hurt. I know you're mad but I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Yeah, well next time you should maybe ask what I think before getting my brother to take me away.” Dean turned to see Cas, shoulders slumped, tears glimmering in the corners of his eyes. 

He felt a pang of hurt when he saw the tears in Cas’s eyes but that was just added to the pain he already felt from being abandoned again and ended up just adding more fuel to the fire. 

Dean turned away and zipped up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and walking past Cas without making eye contact. He walked down the stairs, limping slightly on his bad leg with each step.

Sam was waiting by the door looking at Dean with a muddled expression, something between apologetic, nervousness, and relief. He walked past him and looked for Sam’s car. The only car was Baby, meaning Sam took an Uber down.

Dean walked over to Baby, tossing his bag in the back before settling in the front passenger seat. Sam wasn't going to let him drive right now but Dean didn't have room to care right now.

He waited a minute for Sam to finish his goodbyes to Cas before he saw the door of the house open and his moose of a brother clomp down the stairs. 

Sam got in the driver's seat and started up the car, slowly pulling out of the driveway. Dean risked one last look at the house, catching sight of Cas standing forlornly on the porch, cheeks still damp with drying tears.

He curled into himself, looking out the window at the trees and houses passing by with glassy eyes. Trying to keep everything stuffed inside again, just like always.

He felt numb, his body seemed so heavy. Was he really going to lose everything again?

Dean knows he’s broken. He sees how everyone looks at him and treats him like if you push him too hard, he will break. 

Honestly, he feels like that himself sometimes. He feels like he’s hanging on by his fingertips, hanging on for the sake of others and not himself. That the reason he is still here is because he can't leave Sam with the burden of a lost brother.

And Cas, he had helped Dean. When he was slipping, when he almost fell, Cas was there holding him close. Taking him off the ledge where he hung so he could sit on top, looking at the view.

Guess he was wrong. Cas was just being a nice person. Paying for his stay with actions, nothing more than that. He didn't really care.

Dean let himself open up again, let his walls down, just to be reminded of why he built them so high in the first place. And now those walls are so, so broken. Practically dust blowing in the wind. There is nothing to rebuild and nothing protecting him from himself.

He felt a tear slide down his cheek. And another. And soon he was silently sobbing, his body shaking with the effort to hold it in.

Sam kept nervously glancing at his brother, not sure what to do. Not sure how to fix this. He couldn't fix Dean’s past so he doesn't even know how to try now.

They continue driving. They drive further and further away from Cas and the house. Further from Charlie and Kevin and Gilda. Further from the fish pond and amazing kitchen. Further away from home.

He knew this was coming so why did it hurt so bad?

~~~

Dean tossed his bag onto the floor by the dresser and looked around the dark guest room. There was a small closet and bathroom to the right and a queen bed centered on the back wall.

He didn't turn on the light when he closed the door and made his way to the bathroom, flipping on the dim shower light, filling the small bathroom with a yellow glow.

When he was sent home, he had spent days sleeping and recuperating here. He spent weeks in that bed, showering in this bathroom, and now he's back again, still broken, maybe more than before.

He thought he was getting better. That he could go have his own house and take care of himself and become a functioning member of society.

He just seemed to be going in circles. Never escaping his past, always returning to the same places, same ideas. He’s 24 but his life is basically already over. Why did he ever think it would end? 

Dean slowly stripped out of his clothes and brushed his teeth, the actions were muscle memory and required no thought. Dean flopped down onto the bed, his mind empty and body heavy.

He felt so empty. Alone.

When will it stop?

~~~

The phone started ringing again. Dean rolled over in his burrito of blankets to check the name. He saw Charlie’s number and sighed. She has called him at least 3 times a day since he left but today the count is up to 7.

He declines the call and rolls back over to face the laptop, un-pausing his episode Doctor Sexy MD. 

It’s been 5 days since he left. 5 days and not a single call from Cas. 5 days of sitting in Sam’s guest room doing nothing other than watching TV and moping. 5 days of Sam nagging him about his health and needing to eat more and get out of bed.

Dean gets where Sam is coming from, he knows that this isn't healthy and that he might feel a bit better if he got up, but he doesn't want to. He knows that as soon as he stops, as soon as he gives himself one second to breath, the thoughts will come right back.

It’s either non-stop movement or no movement. He tried non-stop after Lisa and that didn't help so Dean’s going with option 2. Which isn't any better if he’s being honest.

Lisa was only his girlfriend for a few years during and after high school but when she left him it still hurt. It hurt so much. 

“Dean, you're just not the one for me. You're a great guy but I can't be with you while you're across the world fighting on a battlefield, I just can't,” Lisa had said, “Good bye, Dean.”

The words were like a blow to the stomach and had Dean careening off track. It took him almost 3 months to get back on his feet and join the military. He was a marine, like his dad.

That blow was nothing to what he felt now. He felt like he had been stabbed over and over and now was just lying on the floor, bleeding out while everyone watched.

He can’t stop thinking about Cas. The days they spent in the library reading, when they would sit in the back yard watching the fish and talking, nights where Dean would cook dinner while Cas watched from the island, being wrapped in Cas’s arms every night, how they had almost kissed, how Cas sent him away.

After everything, Cas still doesn't want him.

No one wants him.

There was a gentle knock on the door before a beam of light split through the darkness. Sam peaked his head in the room, glancing around before stepping fully inside.

“Hey, Dean, I just got off a call with your friend, Charlie. She says something wrong.” Sam says, a hint of worry in his voice.

“Tell her I’m fine and she doesn't need to call me every fucking day.” Dean snapped.

“She says it's about Cas.”

Dean moves into a sitting position. Sam holds out his phone, letting Dean grab it out of his hand before he exits the room.

“Charlie? What's going on?” Dean asks

“Well hello to you too, asshole,” Charlie replies, “You’ve been completely ghosting me, dude!”

“I’m sorry but I really haven't been feeling great. What’s going on with Cas? Is he alright?”

“Well he hasn't answered his phone since Monday, the same day you also vanished. I went to knock on the door and check up on you but your car wasn't there so I figured you were out. When I checked again, there was still no car and when I knocked there was no answer. I didn't even know you left!”

“Again, sorry, but where's Cas?”

“Well I thought he was with you but Sam says he stayed. There hasn't been any lights in the house and the door and windows wont even open.” 

Panic rose in Dean’s throat. Now that Deans is gone, it's just Cas and the shadow, and the shadow will definitely win.

“Thanks, Charlie, I’ll try and come back as soon as I can.”

“Ok, Dean. Just take care of yourself, ok?”

“Yup, you too.”

Dean ended the call and rolled out of the bed. He walked out of the room, blinking in the bright light of the hall, letting his eyes adjust before walking out to the living room to hand Sam his phone.

Sam raised his eyebrows questioningly and Dean just shook his head before making his way back to his room. He considered packing up his stuff but it would be way more suspicious and he has the rest of his stuff back at the house anyway.

He got back in bed and tried to focus on the episode of Doctor Sexy but kept thinking about Cas. 

Was he ok? Will Dean be too late?

After what seemed like forever, Dean saw the clock read 1:00am and closed his laptop. He grabbed a small backpack out of the closet and put in his more essential items he brought with him and slid into his shoes.

He crept out into the dark hall and found Baby’s keys in the dish by the door. Carefully, he opened the door and slipped outside sighing with relief once the door was shut tight behind him.

He jogged over to the impala and climbed inside, putting her in neutral and letting her roll down the slight slope of the driveway. Once he was on the road, he started up the engine and mentally apologized to Sam.

Dean knows Sam would have let him go but he would tag along and Dean wants to do this alone. He needs to do this alone to keep Sam safe.

Baby rumbled out of the neighborhood Sam lives in and he began heading home. He had to get to Cas before it was too late.

~~~

It was still Dark when Dean pulled into the drive. He could see the dark outline and shadows of the house but just as Charlie said, not a single light was on.

Once Dean parked the impala, he walked to the back and got a flashlight out of the trunk. He turned to the house, looking up at the tall columns supporting the roof and balconies over the porch.

His stomach dropped when he caught sight of red, beady eyes glaring down at him from Cas’s balcony. He could see the white sparkle of teeth and the outline of the shadows body. It was practically sucking light out of the air, making it darker than the shadows surrounding it.

Dean ripped his eyes from the shadow, a rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins as he sprinted towards the house, bounding up the steps and to the door.

He backed up a bit to get momentum to try and kick it down but saw a sliver of darkness along the edge of the door. It was open.

Dean carefully crept forward, kicking the door open wide. I swung open, showing the dark, quiet interior of the house. He crossed the threshold and as soon as he stepped inside, it was like being sucked into a vacuum of cold, dark, silence.

He took a step forward, moving further into the house. The door snapped shut behind him with a loud boom, causing Dean to jump as he was plunged into darkness.

He waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light before moving carefully into the living room, grabbing the fire poker from the stand below the mantle. He gripped the rod in both hands, holding it at the ready.

Dean turned back to the atrium and saw the shadow smiling devilishly at him before flickering back out of existence. Dean tightened his grip on the fire poker and marched forward, clearing one room at a time.

The ghost didn’t show again but Dean felt it there, watching him. He made his way up the stairs, hoping to find Cas upstairs. He carefully searched the entire second floor, under beds, in closets, in the bathtubs, but Cas wasn't there.

Then it hit Dean. There was one place he hadn't looked.

The basement.

He spun on his heel and jogged down the hall and bounded down the stairs spinning to go towards the basement but stopped. The ghost, obviously not pleased that Dean discovered where Cas was, was blocking his path to the door.

It reach an inky black arm towards him and Dean did the only thing he could think of. He swung at it with the bar and it cut clean through the tentacle, making the shadow creature flicker and release a high pitched hiss, making Dean flinch.

The shadow looked a bit surprised, Dean took the moment and lunged at the ghost, swinging the bar and slashing it right across the middle of the thing.

It released a shriek, leaving Deans ears ringing and his vision a little spoty, but the shadow was gone. It had just… disappeared.

Dean got up from the floor, having fallen when the thing shrieked and ran down the hall to the basement door.

He grabbed the handle but it wouldn't turn. He began kicking the door, but it wouldn't budge. He began panicking. 

Who knows how long Cas has been down there? What if he's not even alive? 

Dean shook his head, adjusting the grip on the fire poker in his hands and lining up diagonally with the door.

He raised the bar above his head and swung down on the door handle. The knob popped off with a crack and the door rattled in its frame a bit. Dean backed against the wall and launched himself forward, kicking the door with his good leg.

The door-frame splintered a bit as the door was ripped open, revealing the dark, musty basement.

Dean peered down into the murky depths of the basement and looked for a light switch by running his hand on the cool concrete of the wall as he made his way down the steps. His fingers bumped into the plastic switch and he flipped it, light filled the large, empty room.

Empty except a small, dirty body laying curled up in the middle of the blood streaked floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left you guys on a cliff hanger-ish part, sorry(not really). Its almost the weekend and I will attempt to write a lot then but I most likely wont finish the next chapter, however, I am going to try and write a short.
> 
> If you want to get updates on the Chapter progress, check out my [Tumblr](https://wantstoflyafraidtofall.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me all the way to where we are now! I love you guys!
> 
> Today's Question: What is something you enjoy doing?(hobbies, sports, jobs, etc.)


	9. Ok, Team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got this done! I went back and looked at some of the chapters I had written before and they have been getting progressively longer so I shouldn't say that this chapter is a bit longer than usual. I think that once I've finished writing this, I'm going to edit a lot of the beginning chapters.
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with me to here! You are all so kind and patient with me! Enjoy!

Dean sucked in a shaky breath as he took in the familiar features of the man curled on the floor before him. His dark hair was tangled with clumps of dried blood, his limbs were much thinner than normal and his skin much paler.

Cas.

He rushes over, tears welling at the corners of his eyes and breath coming faster as he kneels down by his friend. Dean pulls his hands to his face, tentatively reaching out with a shaky hand before pulling them back. 

Dean reaches out again and carefully rolls Cas onto his back, taking a sharp inhale when he sees Cas’s sunken features. He takes Cas’s face in his hands, gently patting his cold cheeks and whispering his name over and over like a prayer.

A shaky sob escapes his mouth when he hears a small groan from Cas. He’s alive.

A bloody piece of cloth is bound tightly over one of Cas’s shins, most likely where all the blood on the floor came from. It is still a deep crimson with fresh blood but the stuff on the floor looks much older, as if the wound has been reopened.

His dark hair is matted and messy, skin cold and pale. He needs to get Cas upstairs and fixed up fast. Rolling him over must have gotten the bleeding going and laying here wasn't going to stop it.

Dean gently scoops Cas up in his arms, cringing at how light he is. He must have been down here since the day Dean left, not getting a single thing to eat since then. He will have to get antibiotics for Cas since his immune system won't be able to protect from infection and his cut is definitely not clean.

Carefully, Dean makes his way up the stairs and into the hall, surprised to see that the lights were all back on. He made it into the front room when he felt a harsh tremor shake through Cas’s body as it begins to warm up again.

“Hey, Cas, buddy, I gotcha.” Dean soothes as he continues towards the kitchen.

The door was closed so Dean carefully raised his bad leg to try and kick it open, knowing he definitely can't support both their weights on it. Thankfully, the door wasn't shut completely, swinging open with one kick.

“Deeaaaan…” Cas croaked before breaking into a coughing fit.

Dean rushed into the kitchen, lying Cas on the wooden table before running to the cabinets to get a glass of water. He held the glass up to Cas’s lips, slowly tipping it back as he drank. 

Small drops of water dribbled down Cas’s chin as he gulped down the water. Once the first cup was empty, Dean filled it back up and this time Cas held out an arm to grab it.

He drank this one slower, allowing Dean time to go to the laundry room and find the first aid kit tucked in the back of a cabinet. He checked to make sure everything he needed was in the box before closing it back up and heading back to the kitchen.

When Dean got back, Cas had himself propped on an elbow, grimacing down at his leg and rolling it back and forth on the table. He looked up at Dean and gave a weak smile, head flopping to the side.

He looked as if he had just been dosed with anesthesia but in all the pain and the lack of food Cas has had, Dean couldn't blame his brain for tuning out.

“Thank you, Dean. I’m pretty sure you just saved my life.” Cas said, his words slightly slurred.

If Dean would have just stayed, Cas wouldn't have gotten hurt. He wouldn't have almost gotten killed. A tight ball of anger was winding up inside of Dean as he looked at Cas’s leg and the injury he could have prevented.

“Yeah, well its my fault for leaving you when I knew that thing was here.” Dean replied sharply.

He  _ knew  _ that the shadow was getting rid of anyone in the house yet he left Cas  _ alone  _ with it. If he had just stayed, he could fix his problems and would have protected Cas. This is all his fault.

“It’s not your fault, Dean.” Cas spoke gently, his eyes soft and forgiving as he watched Dean.

Cas’s assurances little to smother the hot fire of anger burning in Dean but he pushed it aside for later anyway. He needs to focus his energy on fixing what he still has a chance to fix.

“Lets get that checked out, hmm?” Dean gestured at the blood soaked fabric on his leg.

Dean set the first aid kit on the table then walked back to the sink, grabbing a large metal bowl out from underneath it and filling it with warm, soapy water. He pulled out a few drawers, taking a rag before he made his way back to Cas, taking care not to let the water slosh out the sides of the bowl.

He grabbed a pair of scissors before finally coming to a stop by Cas, who laid back on the table propped up by his elbows. Dean stood by his left leg and began carefully cutting off the shirt, glancing up at Cas to make sure he was okay.

Dean hated the way Cas’s eyes were glazed over from the haze of pain. His hair fell in dirty clumps on his forehead, his cheeks were flushed as they began to warm up again but his skin still remained an unnatural gray.

When the bloody rags came free, Dean grimaced at the nasty gash underneath. More flames of anger licked up inside of Dean, making him glare down at the cut, unmoving.

He scanned over the cut, its swollen edges and the deep pink flesh peaking out through the J shaped laceration. Dean balled his fists at his sides, fingernails digging into the skin of his palm.

“Dean?”

“I fucking knew that the shadow was still here and I left anyway! I knew, Cas! If I would have just stayed this wouldn't have happened, you wouldn't have gotten hurt!” Dean said, his voice rising.

“I didn't stop you from going. It’s not your fault.”

“But it is, Cas! Everyone around me gets hurt. Everyone! And I left you for dead. I knew exactly what kinda shit that ghost can pull and left you here anyway.”

“Dean, If you would have stayed, it would have killed you! You need to take care of yourself and protect yourself! There are people who care about you and would hurt to see you gone!”

“Well they would all be better off if I wasn't in their lives in the first place!” Dean was shouting now, fueled by the pent up feelings from the past week added to the scars of his childhood.

Cas looked at Dean, a sadness rests behind the slightly dazed look in those deep blue eyes as he locks onto Deans. 

“I wouldn't trade knowing you for the world, Dean.” Cas says softly.

And Dean’s rage shatters and crumbles into what it really is. He feels it boil down from anger and hatred into sadness and fear. He feels as if the weight of his past was lifted from his shoulders, just for a moment, leaving nothing but a broken child behind. He feels the sharp edges of the fear of losing Cas smooth out into relief now that Cas is alive.

Tears prickle in the corners of his eyes so he turns away and looks at the slice running down Cas’s shin. He has cried enough in front of Cas, he doesn't need to suffer any more of Dean’s broken past. 

Cas has already done so much for Dean and he wasn't about to let his feelings for the man lying on the table in front of him ruin the friendship they already have, if Cas still wants to be friends with him, that is.

“Why don't you tell me how this happened while I fix it up.” Dean suggests as he soaks a clean washcloth in the bowl.

“I tripped on a shovel in the backyard.” Cas said through clenched teeth.

Dean was gently dabbing and wiping at the bloodied skin, being careful not to move the loose flaps too much. Blood was still slowly oozing out of the cut so he needs to work fast. He shoved his feelings down and readied himself like the well trained soldier he was.

“Ok, but how did you get trapped in the basement for a week?”

“I… ran downstairs and the door shut behind me. I couldn't open it and didn't have the strength to kick it down.

Dean looked up from the cut and met Cas’s eyes. He saw the fear quivering in the depths of them and tried to put the love he felt for Cas in his own eyes, trying to coax Cas to talk.

“Cas, no matter what you say, I’m not leaving until you ask me too. I want to help you, please.” Dean spoke softly.

“It-It tried to kill me.” Cas whispered.

A hollow feeling clawed away in Dean’s stomach but he kept quiet, letting Cas continue.

“It walked me to the pond as if it was going to drown me but-but I got away.”

“You were able to run from it?” Dean asked. “Be still, this is gonna hurt.”

Dean poured the bottle of hydrogen peroxide onto the cut, watching it fizz in contact with the skin and blood. He hated how Cas hissed and bit one of his knuckles to keep from crying out from the sting.

“Ye-yes, it was moving me by itself but I-” Cas hissed in pain as Dean rinsed off the peroxide. “surprised it I guess and it dropped me.”

“Surprised it?”

“I was able to move my arms and I grabbed it. It dropped me and I ran but tripped on the shovel.”

“And then it locked you in the basement, hoping you would die of blood loss or starvation.”

Cas looked down at the table, slowly nodding his head.

Dean nodded in return, not wanting to hear any more of how Cas was struggling to keep his voice relatively normal through the pain. He’s doing fucking fantastic with a cut this huge already.

He searched through the kit and found a needle and some surgical thread, ripping open the small plastic bags that held them. He poured some peroxide on to them to sterilize before threading the needle.

“Cas, this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” Dean looked warily at Cas who pressed his lips into a tight line, giving a small nod.

Dean lined up the needle with the edge of the cut and began stitching, trying his hardest to ignore the small, pained sounds coming from Cas. His muscles were tense and he clenched his toes and fingers, trying to fight off the stabbing pain from the needle.

Dean wanted to stop and make the pain go away but he needs to do this or it will be worse later. He continued to ignore the pained sounds coming from his housemate as he continued stitching, slowly and carefully, with precise stitches.

He finished suturing in only 30 minutes, his small amount of medical knowledge from the military making the process much less forign to Dean. The long, odd shaped cut needed about 30 stitches in total. They were really good as far as Dean could tell.

With the bleeding stopped and the wound closed, Dean let out a shaky sigh. He only had a few more things to finish before they could get out of this house.

Once Dean closed the wound, he rinsed it off with more water and wrapped it tightly in the gauze he found in the medical kit. He dropped the dirtied supplies in the sink and disposed of the trash before walking back over to Cas.

He passed him a cup of yogurt and some beef jerky he had found and watched silently as Cas’s slowly ate. Dean was relieved to see that Cas was at least eating and drinking. 

Cas was whipping the silent tears of pain off his face, his good leg held close up to his chest as he sat on the table. Dean walked over and wrapped Cas in a loose hug, being careful not to jostle his leg too much.

The hollow feeling already eating away at Dean grew more ferocious as his arms wrapped around Cas’s smaller frame. It had only been a week but not having food or water had taken a toll on Cas’s body, and the fact that he has made it this far without passing out blows Dean’s mind.

Cas wrapped his arms around Deans shoulders in return, burying his face in Deans shirt and sniffling. The reality of what had happened was setting in on Cas now that he wasn't dying on the floor or having an adrenaline rush to push him through.

He was attacked by a  _ ghost. Dean _ was attacked by a ghost. 

Cas squeezed Dean harder. His body shaking slightly with effort and with muffled sobs into Dean’s soft, gray shirt. It wasn't long before Cas’s hold began to loosen as his body finally gave in to sleep. 

Dean freed one of his arms and gently slid it under Cas’s legs before picking him up. He walked as fast as he could while still keeping it steady out the door and into the driveway, keeping his feelings buried where they won't distract him till they are both safe.

~~~

Kevin’s face when he opened the door and saw his neighbors, bloody and bandaged, would have been hilarious if the situation weren't so serious. He stood there, jaw dropped and eyes wide, staring in shock for a minute before bouncy steps approached from behind.

“Kevin, who is it?” Charlie chirped, before her eyes landed on Dean, covered in blood carrying an equally as bloody Cas in his arms. “Oh shit.”

Dean was grateful when Charlie pulled Kevin to the side and ushered them in the house and down a hall. She opened a door to reveal a small bedroom that Dean guessed is their guest room.

He set Cas down on the bed, his arms relieved from carrying so much weight despite how light Cas was at the moment. Kevin was hovering in the doorway, the same shocked look on his face.

“Kevin, why don't you make yourself useful and get some clean clothes for these two and maybe some food.” Charlie bit out.

Kevin seemed to wake up a bit at the order and he turned and walked down the hall. Charlie waited for a moment before turning away from the door and looking back at where Dean sat on the bed next to a half asleep Castiel.

“Are you guys ok? What happened?” Charlie asked.

“Cas tripped on a shovel.” Dean replied. He didn't want to explain anything till Cas woke up.

“Yeah, ok, but why did you run over here covered in blood and Cas covered in dirt looking like he hasn't eaten in a week at four in the morning?”

“I… Can-can we just wait till later after we get some sleep?”

“... Fine, but I expect some answers. You fuckos can’t just come over covered in blood every other day and have a sleepover, not that I’m against sleepovers. Got it?”

“Yeah thanks, Charlie”

Charlie gave a small nod and stood up just as Kevin came back into the room, holding two glasses of water. He stood in the doorway, looking around nervously. His light blue pajamas reminded Dean of a child waiting in the doorway of his parents room, deciding whether or not to tell them about the monster under his bed.

Charlie took the waters from him with a quiet thanks and set them on the bedside table before exiting the room, softly closing the door behind her. Darkness settled in the warm room.

The both laid on their backs, looking up at the blank ceiling. The guilt and anger he buried away earlier was seeping back out in its true form, anxiety and hurt. Cas keeps saying it's fine, but he’s wrong, you can’t just abandon your friends like Dean had and be forgiven.

He closes his eyes tightly, trying to will his body to sleep when he hears Cas take a deep breath and whisper his name.

“Dean?” Cas murmured.

“Yeah, Cas?”

“At the house, the ghost, when it didn't kill me… it locked me in the basement and-and it-” Cas’s voice is shaky and is cut off by a loose sob.

Dean rolls onto his side and reaches for Cas, pulling his trembling body into his arms, gently stroking his fingers through Cas’s hair.

“It’s ok, Cas. You can tell me, I’m here.” Dean comforted.

“Dean, I don’t have that great of a past either. It-it showed me memories,   
Cas paused, “I’m not even sure which ones were memories and which the ghost put together itself.”

“You’re out of there now. You’re safe now and I won’t leave this time. We will figure this out together.”

Cas curled up into Deans embrace, muttering a quiet “thank you, Dean.” before closing his eyes. Before Dean could catch himself, he placed a gentle kiss on Cas’s head, pulling back almost as soon as he touched.

He held his breath, waiting for Cas to pull away from him or ask Dean to leave, but it never came. Cas simply snuggled closer to Dean, and Dean took that as his queue to go to sleep.

Dean still couldn't shake off the guilt for leaving Cas at the house alone with the shadow. His brain was too awake, spinning through all the different things that could have happened if Dean had not come back when he did.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to Cas.

“It’s ok, Dean. I forgive you.”

They quickly fell asleep now, feeling the warmth of each acting as an anchor to reality in the fog of newness.

~~~~

They were all seated in the living room, Cas and Dean on the couch and the rest sat on the floor. Kevin looked nervous but Charlie and Guilda looked anxious with excitement.

They had slept until around noon and ate a large lunch before settling in the living room. Dean really hasn't talked to Cas about how they were going to tell them about what had happened, but Dean had decided he should probably do it.

“So,” Charlie broke the silence, “what happened?”

Dean opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Cas, who was in no mood to take his time. “You were correct in saying the house was haunted. We were attacked.”

Charlie and Guild burst into laughter, Kevin just looks awkwardly between the snorting girls and the men on his couch. When the girls saw that no one else had joined in, they stopped.

“Wait, are you serious?” Gilda asks incredulously.

“Yeah, it was happening since I moved in but it didn't happen to Cas till I left.” Dean says quietly, looking down at his hand in his lap.

“Like a real, actual ghost?” Charlie looks at them with wide eyes but a bit of skepticism was in her voice.

“Yes.” Dean sighs.

“And it's been attacking you?” Charlie gasps.

“It’s been trying to kill us I think.” Cas replies.

“And you just stayed there?”

“Well… yes.”

“It could have KILLED you!”

“Yes,” Cas’s expression grew confused, “and you guys really just believe us?”

“We have done a bit of… research on the house before so we know that no one stayed there longer than two weeks or died in that house.”

“... I see.”

“Wait, Dean, you said you left?”

The guilt Dean had been pushing down since last night started to trickle back in. “I, uh, yeah. I did.”

“So you knew about the murderous ghost and left Castiel there with it! He could have died, Dean!”

Hot tears welled up behind his eyes, “I-I know.”

“You must have at least had a decent reason, I mean that sounds very un-Dean of you.” Guilda adds.

“ _ I  _ almost died and then when Cas and Sam teamed up to get me out of the house… I just decided to make it easier and go.” Dean whispered, blinking back the tears from his eyes.

They deserved to be mad at him for leaving and he deserves everything they choose to do to him about it. They’re right. He did leave Cas for dead and even though he came back, he never should have left in the first place.

“Stop, please. Dean and I have already figured this out. We just needed to get out of the house and somewhere safe for a while.”

They nodded, slightly adjusting their positions on the floor in the awkward silence.

“So what can we do to help” Kevin spoke up.

“Help?” Dean and Cas said in unison.

“Yeah, we are gonna get rid of the ghost, right?”

“Can you do that?” Dean asked.

“Sure!” Charlie chirped, “We just need to do some research on the ghost in the house and figure out what's keeping it there.”

“You seem to know a lot about this kind of stuff.” Cas said.

“Well we all have our hobbies.”

“But you guys really do believe us? You can just accept the fact that ghosts are real?” Dean asks.

“After learning about immortal jellyfish in high school biology I’ve just started to accept things.” 

Dean glanced at Cas who was making a similar concerned expression at the three 20 and 21 year-olds on the floor in front of them. Cas turned to meet Dean’s eyes, silently asking for Dean’s opinion on the matter.

He gave a small nod and Cas returned the gesture. Dean looked back to see Charlie and Guilda whispering rapidly while Kevin just listened, looking from face to face as they exchanged sentences.

“Uh, ok,” Dean says, clearing his throat, “We accept your help.”

Charlie claps her hands and jumps up from the floor, pulling Guilda and Kevin up as well. “We need to grab a few things, stay here.” She basically squeals before dragging her housemates down the hall.

They now have the room to themselves. Dean could feel the heat of Cas’s arm almost pressing against his, not having much room to spread apart on the small loveseat in place of a couch.

“Do you think this is a good idea? I mean, we could just burn the house down if we need to.” Dean says quietly.

“Dean, I see how much you love that house when it's not hurting you. It’s the first place you've gotten to call your own.” Cas says.

“But the kids, isn't this a bit dangerous?”

“We can make them stay here. We will go and get rid of the ghost alone.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, already planning on finding a way to keep Cas here as well, “You probably can’t catch it by surprise this time either.”

“You're probably correct.”

They sit in the quiet room, looking around at the cheap, mismatched décor. It was most likely bought at thrift stores or hand-me-downs from family members. Dean doesn't expect three college students to be buying much furniture on their own.

“Dean?” 

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean replies, looking over at Cas. 

“You need to forgive yourself for leaving. I pushed you away as well.”

“And I let you. Look where that got us.”

“We’re both here and alive. And you came back, Dean.”

“But I shouldn't have left in the first place. I knew the ghost was there and that it wanted to hurt people but I left you alone with it anyway. It tried to kill you then locked you in the basement and tortured you! How is this not my fault, Cas! I wasn't there!”

“You’re here now, Dean! That's what matters! I’m ok, you’re ok, that's enough!”

They had turned to face each other on the couch, looking into each others eyes. Dean could see the spark of want in Cas’s but knew he would wait for Dean to make the move.

Dean imagined how it would feel, to finally press his lips to Cas’s soft pink ones. How he would taste and the sounds he would make. But instead, Dean turned away, looking out the dusty window with mismatched curtains.

Cas deserves someone better than Dean, and there is no way that Dean is going to hook Cas’s horse to his wagon when he deserves a carriage. It might be hard for them both now, but it will be worth it later.

They were silent for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts. Cas shifted in his seat on the couch.

“Hey, Dean?”

“mhmm?”

“How did you get back home, after you left?”

“I, uh,” Dean looked away sheepishly, “I snuck out and stole my car back.”

“Sam doesn't know you’re here?”

“...no”

“You should call and tell him where you are.”

“Com’on Cas, I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“I know, Dean, but what is going to happen when Sam discovers you're not there?”

Like clockwork, Dean’s pocket began vibrating. He took out his phone and looked at the name on the screen. Cas peered over and read the name, raising his eyes to Dean with a forceful air.

Dean sighed and accepted the call, bringing the phone to his ear.

“Dean! Where the hell are you!” Sam’s angry voice blasted through the speakers.

“Hiya, Sam. I’m at Charlie’s place, she needed help with something.”

“Really? Let me talk to her.”

“What, you don't trust me?”

“I haven't trusted you since you let me jump off the roof and break my arm because I thought I was batman.”

“Well that's on you, Sammy. Everyone knows batman can't fly.”

Sam sighed, “Can I please talk to Charlie? I just want to make sure you're ok.”

“Sure let me go get her.”

Dean got up from the couch, feeling Cas’s eyes on his back as he walked down the hall. He heard a dull thud from one of the rooms and made his way over to the door. He knocked, “Charlie?”

The door cracked open and Charlie stuck her head out. “Patience, Winchester, we are almost ready.”

She began to close the door but Dean caught it with his hand, pulling Charlie's attention back to him. “My brother, Sam. He wants to talk to you to make sure I am where I say I am.”

She nodded and held out her hand, taking the phone from Dean and raising it to her ear. Dean watched her smile as she chatted with Sam. A few minutes later, Charlie handed the phone back to Dean.

“I told him you were here to help fix up the shed. We don't even have a shed but he doesn't need to know that.” Charlie grinned.

“Thanks, Charlie.” Dean sighed before walking back to the living room.

“Sam knows I’m at Charlies but he thinks I’m helping her fix up a non-existent shed.”

Cas nods as Dean takes a seat next to Cas. They sit in silence, listening to the muffled sounds coming from the hall as they wait. 

Dean could feel the warmth of Cas’s arm again and this time, leaned ever so slightly into it. He felt his arm push up against Cas’s and he felt Cas push back a little, but neither moved away.

He heard slow, heavy footsteps from the hall and watched as the three college students hauled in stacks of books. They set the piles on the floor in front of them and smiled, satisfied with their work.

Charlie stood and slapped the top of the highest stack, making them jump. “Alrighty, team! Let's get researching!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! I'm going to try and get the next chapter out in a week or two but that may or may not happen. I've been going through a hard time figuring out who I am, my great grandma died of COVID(and old age) a few days ago, and I had just found out yesterday that one of my friends has been doing self harm and want to help but don't have the resources. Thank you for being patient with me!
> 
> Todays Question: Where would your dream house be? What would your house be like?


	10. This Mess Just Got Messier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall, I am so so sorry it took this long to get this chapter out. I was going to wait till this weekend to post it but I think yall deserve this now. I had the first draft finished for a while and just needed to edit and that took a week or two. My family found out about me being non-binary and wanting to change my name and lets just say it didn't go well... at all. ANYWAY, here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it!

The coffee machine sputtered and dripped the last bit of coffee into Dean's cup for his umpteenth cup of coffee, taking a sip before heading back into the living room with the warm mug in his hands. He maneuvered his way around the books, empty plates, and mugs on the floor, plopping back down beside Cas with a sigh.

They spent the remainder of yesterday sorting through what books would be beneficial and which ones to return to Charlie's library of lore, and now they have to read them. They have breached hour three and counting, and it's only ten in the morning.

Cas has been able to crush an entire book, filling out a few pages in a spiral notebook Charlie had given them with bullets and short paragraphs in his crisp, neat writing. Dean was reading over the notes now, admiring how the messy letters were able to look so clean. 

The handwriting is almost a perfect match to how Dean would expect it to be, elegant and neat yet with a spark of personality. The gentle curves and taut lines of the letters mixing in a unique and alluring melody of shapes, enhancing Cas’s elegant words.

Dean wondered if Cas wrote stories in the strange little notebook he is constantly carrying. It’s still at the house, so Cas hasn't written anything in it since Dean left, but Cas hasn't mentioned it yet. Maybe he knows that they will get it back eventually and isn't worth mentioning.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Dean sets the notebook down, rereading the notes isn't getting them any closer to ganking this bitch. He grabbed a book off the floor in front of him and looked at the title.

Book of the Damned: A Guide to the Afterlife and its Inhabitants

He opened the book and flipped past the introduction to chapter one. Dean began reading, frowning at the small print of the thick book. This book must have been written in at least the 1500s and translated into English in the 1800s before being forgotten by editors and the common people alike. 

Sure, Dean had stopped at a GED, but he could still read the text fine, it just took him a minute to fully comprehend each sentence. Cas, on the other hand, was plowing through the book he had chosen. 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean nudged Cas’s knee with his outstretched leg.

Cas continued scribbling something down on the notepad as he replied. “Yes?”

“What did you major in in college?” Dean asked

“I was an English major. Is there a reason you asked?” Cas replied, looking up from the notepad at Dean.

“Nope.”

They both went back to reading. Well, Cas did. Dean’s mind did not cease its drifting, thinking about Cas’s degree in creative writing and how he would often see Cas writing on his laptop or notebook. He had his suspicions concerning the book's purpose, but now the best guess would be not a diary but maybe a story. Dean isn't sure why Cas would write at such odd times, however. 

“What do you write in that notebook all the time?”

Cas looks up from his notes once more, confused at first but then seems to remember what Dean is referring to.

“It’s writing practice of sorts. When I feel randomly inspired or have strong emotions, I write scenes or short stories in it so I can look back on it later or just for fun.”

“The day I left,” Dean starts, remembering how Cas had the notebook hanging in one hand by his side as he stood on the porch, watching Dean drive away, “did… did you write about that?”

“...yes, I did.” Cas says, a look of guilt flashing across his face as he lets his gaze rest on the floor.

“I’m sorry.”

Cas looked up at Dean, opening his mouth to say something. Undoubtedly to tell Dean it wasn't his fault again or something along those lines, but Dean continued.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was acting like a jerk and you were just trying to help.”

“Dean, I hope you know I wasn’t angry.”

“Yeah, well you should have been.”

“No, I shouldn't have. I was sad and didn’t want you to leave. I didn't want you to have to be haunted by your past, literally or figuratively, or to go somewhere I wouldn't be able to help you if you needed me. I let you go and was sad that I did, but I thought it would be best.”

Dean’s mouth opened and closed a few times but he remained silent. How could Cas be so compassionate and benevolent to someone like him? Dean didn't deserve him yet he refused to leave.

“Eye fucking is not researching.” Charlie's amused voice came from the hallway.

Dean snapped out of his trance and recovered from the surprise of Charlie's comment quickly, “Yeah, but who hasn't done any research, Miss Bossy?”

Cas laughed, a deep rich sound that filled Dean with a light air. Dean needs to hear that more, he decided. He was grinning over at Cas, loving the way Cas’s eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled.

“Why don't you two go for the grocery run so you can take a break then.” Charlie said, handing over a notecard with a list of different food items written in sparkly purple gel pen.

“See? Bossy.” Dean stage whispered to Cas before being tackled by the redhead.

Cas laughed as he watched Charlie and Dean roll around for a moment longer. They stood up, huffing with laughter as they caught their breath. 

“Ok, Cas n’ I will get the goods and maybe go for a little ride. We will be back by lunch time.” Dean hugged Charlie before pulling on his shoes. Cas followed suit, taking a deep breath of the fresh morning air as he walked outside, the smell of the tall pines that were prominent in the area tinging the air. 

The morning atmosphere was thick and heavy, a slight breeze rustling through the trees. Days like this were Dean’s favorite. Calm, quiet, peaceful. He would take Sammy to the park on days like these. When his father wasn't around making them tread carefully with their requests or passed out drunk on some motel bed in the middle of nowhere.

These days seemed so soft, gentle and full of promises. They reminded him of his mother and her long, flowy hair and easy smile. The sweet pies she would bake and songs she would hum while cleaning. Her flowery perfume that felt like home as she laid next to Dean as he fell asleep.

This morning was some kind of deja vu that Dean longed for. It eased him and let him feel the last bits of tension leak out of his muscles. Sitting in the impala next to the man who had managed to tug at Dean's heart, one of the only people he felt safe around and trusted, seemed almost surreal.

Seeing the slight wince on Cas’s face as he adjusted his leg in the car brought him back to the present, however. It has only been a few days since stitching up Cas’s leg and it has been healing well but still not well enough to do any far walks.

“You need to keep that elevated. I’ll let you get away with putting your foot up on the dash but as soon as that's better,” Dean gestured to Cas’s leg, “feet stay on the floor.”

Cas lifted his foot and put it on the dash, prudent not to scuff it with the heel of his shoe, which Dean greatly appreciated. The engine started up with a rumble and Dean pulled out of the drive.

They rode in a comfortable silence, Dean singing along to his tapes, the windows rolled down as they went. When they pulled up to the small grocery mart, Dean turned to Cas. 

“Wanna wait here while I go in?” Dean asked.

“Sure, could you get some more tea and honey, please?”

“Of course, sunshine.” Dean responded, blushing a little at the nickname he finds himself using more and more often.

He gets out of the Car and walks into the small store. It’s easy to find all the items on the list, including tea and honey for Cas. Dean makes his way over to the register, setting his basket of groceries on the counter.

“Dean, haven't seen you in awhile. Did you miss seeing my face and decide to come back?” The cahier grinned

“Nah, I came back just to check and see if you were as ugly as the last time I saw you, Meg.” Dean smiled.

“Well you sure know how to treat a lady. What brought you back anyway?” Meg asked as she began scanning the items from his basket.

Dean met Meg a week after meeting Kevin. They work each other’s off days, perfectly matching their opposite personalities. 

“I was just visiting some family.” Dean said, not quite lying.

She finished scanning the items and placing them in the brown paper bags before taking Dean’s card and swiping it. “If you ever are free and looking for some fun, you know where to find me, Winchester.” Meg winked and handed back his card.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine but you would be the first place I’d call if necessary.” Dean joked and gathered his bags, “See ya’ Meg.” 

“Say hi to Clarence for me” She called back.

Dean found the nickname she had given Cas a bit odd but knowing Meg, it could have been much worse. He made it back to the car, loading the bags in the trunk before sliding into the driver's seat. 

“Meg was there, she says hi,” Dean said as he started up the car, “so do you wanna go for a drive around before heading back?”

“Yes, that sounds nice.” Cas said, his voice distant.

Dean had noticed how Cas kept himself busy, he had done it himself. He couldn't face his problems so he hid behind distractions. Anytime Cas stopped reading or writing or talking, he was lost, stuck in a maze of his own making. A solemn wistfulness could be seen in his eyes as he looked out the glass at the sky.

As Dean pulled out of the lot, he began to gather up his courage and form some way of asking Cas about whatever’s going on. He had said the shadow did more than physical damage but Cas isn't letting anyone know how bad he truly is.

He grew more nervous as they made their way through the back roads, Baby purring over the soft hills of the fields around them. It wasn't a surprise that Mr. “Bury it Deep Where No One Can Find it” couldn't get his words into a sentence that was both coherent and got the message across. 

He kept thinking of how he should start. Should he get right to the point or try and get Cas to open up on his own? What if he tried to casually mention the shadow? Wait, that absolutely would not work. Should he try-

“What if we just got rid of the house?” Cas spoke, turning to look at Dean.

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden voice interrupting his thoughts, taking a few seconds to process the question. Why would he want to get rid of it, it's a great house other than the ghost problem?

“You want to sell it?” 

“That or we could burn it, wreck it, just… get rid of it.” His voice becoming almost inaudible.

“Com’on Cas, we can’t just wreck the place. And I am definitely not dumping this psycho ghost on another family.”

Cas was silent. He was looking out the window again, his posture slumped and his body small in the oversize shirt and sweatpants he had dawned that morning. A heavy feeling settled in Dean’s chest as he looked at his friend.

He spotted a dirt road branching off the pavement and into the grass. He turned, carefully driving a little ways up before stopping the car and taking the key out of the ignition. 

They sat in silence, Cas not moving from his spot at the window as Dean glanced anxiously over at him.

“Cas?” Dean said his name, hoping for a reaction but got none.

He clutched the little bit of courage he’d scrounge and began talking before he could back out, “Cas, when I was attacked by the shadow, it- it used my past to hurt me. I don't know much about your past. I know it wasn’t a fantastic picket fence life. But mine wasn’t either. I may have gone through different things but I’m still here for you. Tell me what’s wrong. Please.” Dean was surprised at the fluidity of his own words.

He waited for a reaction from Cas. A choked sob escaped Cas and his body began to shake as his façade crumbled. Dean slid over, grabbing Cas’s shivering body and pulling it to his.

“Hey, hey, I gotcha, it's ok.” Dean muttered into Cas’s dark hair as he cried, curled into Dean’s embrace.

It was a while before Cas’s breathing began to steady and he began to relax. He sat up, pulling out of Dean’s arms and wrapping his own tightly around his middle. “I-I’m sorry.” Cas said quietly.

“Don't be. I’ve cried into your shoulder multiple times now, it's time I return the favor. If you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.”

The words came out easily despite the lack of use on his part. As much as he hated receiving these words as they made him feel weak, he hated that it was necessary to give them. He hated how someone he cared for was wounded and now he has to say these words to help fix a beautiful thing some monster so carelessly broke.

“I’m here and I won’t leave you alone again.” Dean stated with confidence, a spark of determination lighting up his green eyes.

He was going to kill whatever the fuck was in their house before it could hurt anyone ever again. Because it hurt him. Because it hurt Cas. And maybe, if it’s gone, he would see his friend's real smile, and not his best try to hide his pain.

“My father neglected us as children so we could do virtually anything we wanted without him even noticing,” Cas started, his voice weak and rough, “Michael and Lucifer hated me and used our fathers ignorance to their advantage. I wasn’t expecting it to go as far as it did that day, I don't think they were either.”

Dean scooted close to Cas again, taking note of his pale face and shaking hands and he spoke to the floor. 

“There was a cave in the woods behind the house. We never went in it because it was more like a steep hole you would need to rappel down rather than walk through. They had walked me out to the cave and tried to push me inside. I was only 11 at the time, unable to fight back against my 16 and 18 year old brothers. They told me that if I didn't go in the cave and drop a rock down the hole then they would tell the whole school I was gay.

“I was scared so I took the rock they gave me and went to the edge of the hole and as I was about to drop it in, one of them threw a stone and I fell. It hit me in the back, pushing me into the hole and I fell.”

Cas stopped talking, taking a few shuddery breaths. His hands were balled tightly in the gray sweatpants he wore, knuckles white with the force of his grip. Dean gently laid his hand on top of one of Cas’s, who slowly released the pants and flipped his palm to meet Deans, intertwining their fingers.

“I would have died if it weren't for the leaves and dirt that had built up on the bottom of the hole from a recent flood. I broke my leg and cracked my skull. I remember looking up at the opening of the cave and then waking up in the hospital. I had also hit the wall while falling.”

Cas freed his hand from Deans and pulled up the edge of his hoodie, revealing a long, jagged scar stretching from his ribs to somewhere below the hem of his pants. Dean slowly raised his hand towards the discolored skin, looking up at Cas’s face to make sure it was ok before softly touching the raised skin with the tips of his fingers.

He felt Cas shudder at the contact and pulled back before reaching forward again, tracing along the edge of the skin. He pulled his hand back and Cas pulled his shirt back down, grabbing Dean's hand in his own once more.

“You’d think that that would be the last of their fun little games but it wasn't. Nothing as serious happened from then on but every once in a while I would go to school with bruised ribs or a black eye from Lucifer. Michael stuck to mental torment but he was off to college only a year later.”

Cas’s feeble voice faded off with a choked sob and Dean pulled him in for another hug. Dean only let go once he was sure Cas was ok. They both settled back in their seats, looking at the tall barely swaying in the breeze around them.

Dean started up the impala and shifted her into reverse, pulling off the dirt and back onto the road. As they made their way back towards the town, Dean kept glancing at Cas.

His nose and eyes were still a little pink from crying but he seemed more relaxed, happier even. He noticed Cas’s hand resting on the seat of the car and weighed the pros and cons before reaching over and holding Cas’s hand in his.

He met Cas’s eyes and smiled at their shock and curiosity. Cas smiled back, a wide, bright smile that brightened his face and made Dean's chest swell with pride that he was able to bring that smile back.

How could anyone ever hurt someone like him? So kind and gentle to even the smallest creatures. He was so cute with his dorky trench coat and the way he would tilt his head while he thinks. How bright he seemed to get when you asked him about bees or birds and let him go on about them for hours on end.

They pulled in the driveway, turning off the car but again, neither got out.

“Man, we really got in on the monopoly of shitty childhoods.” Dean laughed half heartedly.

“Yeah,” Cas sniffled, “We really did.”

It was reticent but the air was tense with unspoken words. Dean turned to look at Cas, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Thank you, Cas.”

  
  


“For what?”

“For listening to my sob stories. For not leaving. For being my friend.” Dean said to the floor, his cheeks warm.

“Dean,” Cas’s voice was soft, “I rather be here than with you anywhere else.”

The words seemed to snap the last line holding Dean back. Dean slid forward, grabbing Cas’s face and pulling him in to a hard kiss. Cas seemed surprised at first but relaxed into it, returning Dean’s with fervor.

He was kissing Cas. 

He was loving it, more than he could ever have imagined. The way their lips slotted together, the feel of Cas’s soft and warm on his.

When they pulled apart, their faces flushed, Dean was looking at the floor. The realization of what he'd done settled on his shoulders and he began to panic.

“I-I’m sorry, I gotta…” Dean fumbled with the door of the impala, stumbling out onto the driveway and hurrying into the house. 

He rushed past Charlie, his feet leading him to the small half bath adjacent to the room he and Cas have been staying in. He could hear the muffled voices of Charlie and Cas far off through the door most likely discussing the ki- the thing that happened in the car.

Dean took deep breaths, trying to calm his frantic heartbeat and subvert the panic attack looming in the back of his mind. He replayed the events in his mind: the conversation, the kiss, the escape. 

He can’t believe he let himself do that. Just completely… lose control and kiss his best friend without permission or knowing if Cas liked him back. What if Cas is no longer comfortable around Dean now that he knows about Dean’s crush? 

Dean’s mind was timely supplying him with images of disgust or discomfort on Cas’s face when Dean enters the room. Cas packing up and leaving the house, that is if they ever get rid of the ghost and go back to the house.

A soft knock on the door makes Dean jump. He is going to have to go back sometime so might as well be now. He will just do what he does best and pretend this never happened, quickly shoving all thoughts pertaining to Cas deep in his mind.

He opens the bathroom door, startling Kevin who blinks up at him for a moment before gathering his thoughts. “Charlie told me to come make sure you were ok and to come help read about the house if you were.”

“I’m ok, thanks Kev.” Dean said, placing a hand on his shoulder as he passed by.

When Dean entered the living room, everyone was seated on the floor around their pile of books and notepads. Dean finds a spot opposite from where Cas sat, his leg elevated on a stack of pillows. He looks over and catches Cas’s eyes before looking back down to his laptop. He begins to search anything and everything about killing ghosts, the activity enough of a distraction to keep Cas off his mind.

“Hey guys,” Cas breaks the tense silence that settled over the room, “look at this.”

He turns his laptop towards the rest of the group. On the screen is a website with a video player. Cas pushes play and they begin to watch.

“Ghost! Ghostfacers!

We face the ghosts when the others will not, we’re

Ghost! Ghostfacers!

Stay in the kitchen when the ki-”

Cas pressed the spacebar, skipping over the rest of the song till the screen showed the two men from the intro, Ed and Harry if he recalls correctly, standing in front of an old whiteboard.

“ Ed- We know why you're watching.

Harry- You’ve got a problem.

Ed- A ghost problem

Harry- A ghost related problem. A ghost- it’s like a ghost-adjacent prob- it’s like a problem that’s- and the ghost is-

Ed- Whatever. You’ve come to the right place. The only decent place, really, because the Ghostfacers know how to solve it.

Harry- Period.

Ed- Watch and learn

Harry- See, the first step in any supernatural fight:

Ed and Harry- Figure out what you’re up against. ”

The group watched the video. Dean was a bit skeptical about the whole thing, I mean these guys don’t seem to have… common sense, but they do know what they are talking about, he thinks.

“Well it seems that the most consistent stuff we have on killing and hindering them is: salt, iron, spells, and some voodoo stuff.” Charlie says as she flips through their notes.

“I don't believe the spells or voodoo would be very helpful to us due to our lack of experience,” Cas retorts, “The salt and iron would be most beneficial.”

Dean nods in agreement, Charlie and Gilda doing the same(Kevin went to the kitchen for snacks). So they know how to fight and kill a ghost, if that is what is in the house. Then it hits Dean. “Guys, are we even sure that this is a ghost? It could be one of those… curse things or some other monster.”

“We should check the history of the house, then,” Charlie set down the notepad, “Why don't you and Cas head to the town library and check the records?”

“Good idea, Charlie. We’ll go now if you don’t mind.” Cas said before Dean even opened his mouth to reply.

Cas stood, wobbling a bit as he balanced most of his weight on his good leg, and looked down at Dean. “I’ll go to the car.”

Dean watched as he limped out of the room and towards the front of the house. “I guess that’s my queue.” Dean sighs as he rises from the floor. He snatched his keys off the coffee table and turned to leave the house when he heard Charlie call from behind him.

“Winchester! You were supposed to make things better with Cas, not worse! Please don’t fuck up your chance!”

Dean promptly ignored her comment on his situation and left the house, slightly slamming the door behind him. Cas was sitting in the passenger seat of the car, looking intently up at Dean through the opposite window.

Dean slowly made his way down the steps, not wanting to be trapped in a moving vehicle with someone who wanted(and deserved) answers to some very important questions. He settled into the driver's seat, cringing at the loud noise of the door slamming as he buckled his seat belt. He sat straight backed and tense on the leather seats, looking straight ahead as he pulled out of the driveway.

They spent a few minutes in the awkward silence filling the car before one of them decided to break it. “Dean, I-”

“Cas, it’s fine,” Dean interrupted, “It was out of line for me to do that. You’re my friend and I crossed a boundary and not only that, but without any form of permission. You don’t need to say anything, it was my fault and I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, Dean, but I-”

“Can we just not talk about this?”

Cas opened and closed his mouth a few times before settling back against the seat. His face was controlled and even but Dean could see the anger in his eyes. Dean knew he had fucked up, but this was for the best, right?

What was his life becoming, sitting in a car with the man he is refusing to acknowledge his feelings for, even after they kissed, to go and research a haunted house.

Sam would definitely take him back and keep him at his house for a good long while if he heard anything about this. He would probably get a nanny cam just to make sure Dean stayed there after his last escape.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the small library parking lot, both men scrambling out and walking briskly into the library. They approached the small, messy desk just to the left of the door where a short old man sat reading avidly through a book.

Dean cleared his throat and when he got no reply, gently rapped his knuckles on the wood of the desk. The old man, Marvin according to his nametag, jumped in his seat, looking like he hasn't seen another living person since he was a boy.

“We were wondering where you keep the town records.” Cas spoke.

Marvin stood up, setting his book down on his desk. “Come with me,” The man said in a nasally voice, “There just back here.”

The squirrely man led them around the corner and down a hall to a room with a large wood table, two rows of metal shelves filled with tan file boxes filled up the majority of the space. The room was cramped, leaving just enough room between the shelves and the table for about three steps forward and back.

Dean turned to thank the librarian but the odd, short man was already gone, probably back at his desk reading his book. He turned back to the dust shelves and joined Cas in searching through the boxes.

The boxes were labeled in decades, making them have to skim through each individual box for information. Dean closed the lid on the 1940-1950 box and was about to open the previous decades box when Cas called for him.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean replied.

“Would the house be known by any name? The Fletcher House, maybe?”

“Holy shit, yeah. That’s the house.” Dean made his way to where Cas was kneeling, examining a shmoot covered box that had been shoved into the back corner of the shelf. 

Taking out two boxes labeled “Fletcher House”(Having more than one of these big ass boxes only worsened Dean's worry) and dropped them on the table. Cas took a breath and blew across the top of the box resting in front of him, a plume of dust rising into the air making them both start coughing. Dean simply wiped his off with some brushes with his hand. 

They looked at each other, not exactly sure what information lurks inside the boxes, not sure if they wanted to find out. Cas gave a small nod, allowing both of their curiosities to win over, and they opened the boxes.

Dean was surprised to see that they were only half full, but he made no comment. Instead, he rummaged around through the papers, pulling out what looks to be an old blueprint. Unfolding it, he looks over the familiar layout of the house, the top floor bedrooms, the kitchen and sunroom, the basement-

Wait.

“Cas, you need to see this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This chapter was a hard one and I just can't be satisfied with it no matter how many times i try to fix it, so I hope you liked it more than I did. I will try my absolute hardest to write more and get the next one out soon!<3
> 
> Question of the day: What is one thing you love about yourself? Why?


	11. Switch Fates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! The past 7 weeks have been absolute hell on earth for me. I've finally gotten myself back together and writing again. I think that there will be 2 more chapters after this one. Thank you for sticking with me!<3

Once, they had gone through all the boxes, they compiled everything they might need into one and slid the lid back on. Cas replaced the rest of the boxes back to their respective places on the dusty shelves before joining Dean back at the table.

Dean’s eyes were fixed on the wood of the table. He knew where he was, where he needed to be, and what he had to do but his mind was still stalling. Every small movement of his body was registered and noticed in full yet he was still stuck in a lapse. 

“Dean,” Cas snapped his fingers in Dean’s face.

At the sound of Cas’s voice, Dean felt as if his soul had been sucked back into his body, his mind starting back up and running double speed. He leaned back from the table and grabbed the box.

“I don’t think Marv out there is gonna let us take this.”

“I highly doubt he will notice our presence.” Cas replies.

The box was light in Dean’s arms as they snuck out of the library and back to the impala. Cas was right about Marvin not noticing them, too. He was nose deep in the book he was reading, facing away from the door towards the wall behind his cluttered desk, too engrossed to see the men sneak out with the file box.

After buckling in, Dean started the car and pulled out of the small lot and onto the road. Much to his relief, the air was less tense between him and Cas, maybe because they had bigger issues at hand, but Dean isn't looking this gift horse in the mouth just yet.

Not wanting to waste any time, they were able to make it back to Charlie’s in record time, breaking many traffic laws on their way. Dean grabbed the box from the backseat and followed Cas up the stairs and into the house. 

The three college students who were supposed to be researching and making lunch were nowhere in sight. Distant shouts and bursts of laughter could be heard from an upstairs room, letting them know that they were still in the house.

After dropping off his load in the living room, Dean made his way up the stairs and towards the sounds of whatever Charlie had gotten them into. Apparently it is a criminal offence in this household to disrupt Mario Kart tournaments because almost as soon as Dean had opened the door, he had a face full of pillows and was being yelled at to “get out and wait your turn to be beat by Kart King Charlie”.

He closed the door, retreating back downstairs to wait for the tournament to end. Dean found Cas sitting in the kitchen, silently staring out one of the windows. The sunlight, still bright despite the overcast, illuminated his face making his sad eyes seem bright.

Dean couldn't believe that someone like Cas was in his life. It had always just been him and Sam. Bobby and Ellen, too, but other than that, he was alone. He didn't mind but that may be due to the fact he never knew what it felt like to have many friends.

At least he knows now that it is better for him to be solitary. Everyone he is around always seems to get hurt and it’s always his fault. He wished he would have known sooner because now, he hurts the man he loves and has to watch him suffer. He breaks everything he touches, and that's why he needs to be the one fixing the house. Maybe he could break that too.

A door slamming open followed by a triumphant cheer and running footsteps makes both men turn towards the living room. Charlie sprints in, speeding in a few circles around the room before settling on the floor by the boxes, a victorious smile lighting up her face. The other two follow shortly after, sitting on the floor as well.

Seeing them somewhat improves Dean's mood. These kids can be so happy despite all the things going on at the moment. Charlie is also contagious. It’s difficult to be in a room with her without feeling happier.

They were all seated around the boxes, looking expectantly at Cas and Dean. They continued to sit silently for a moment more before Dean decided that Cas wasn't going to explain anything, so he took the lead.

Dean pulled the lid off the box closest to him, “So there was a lot of stuff about the house but we went through it and brought back the most important stuff, he reached in and pulled out a stack of files, “this box is all about the previous owners of the house and their not to happy endings there.”

Everyone nodded along, watching as Dean slid the other box into the center of the circle. “This one is a bit more exciting than the other box,” Dean says as he pulls off the lid.

The group leaned forward as Dean began pulling out papers. He set them in two piles, one on his right and the other on his left.

“So, we not only got the records on the people who lived and died in the house, but we have letters that were turned into the police after their deaths. We also have the original blueprints for the house.”

“And that’s what really grabbed our attention,” Cas broke in, “The blueprints show an extra room in the basement that was eventually sealed off just after the first owner of the house died.”

Charlie jumped right into her theories about what could be in the room, the others taking turns to make guesses themselves. Dean watched the banter with growing fatigue. He glanced up at Cas who’s straight back was slouched and there were dark circles prominent under his eyes.

“Alright, well, you guys can make what you will with the stuff we brought. Cas and I are going to go take a nap.” Dean pushed off the floor.

He hears Cas rise behind him and it hits him that he has willingly put himself in a place where Cas can question him again. Not only that, but he announced to everyone that he was going to  _ bed  _ with Cas and it’s just past noon.

He tries his best to push down the rising spike of panic in his stomach as they reach the room. Dean goes to the dresser where the clothing Charlie gave them to borrow(Dean has no idea where she got it and doesn’t really want to know) and pulls off his shirt. He ignores the feeling of Cas’s eyes on his back as he strips out of his jeans and tugs on a soft grey shirt, leaving his boxers on.

Dean stares at the wall, curled under the blankets on his side of the bed while Cas takes his turn at the dresser. The bed dips when Cas climbs in, and Dean feels the bed shake as he gets situated under the covers. When he stops moving, the room becomes still and quiet. 

He half expected Cas to spoon him again tonight but isn’t surprised that he didn’t. Why should he when Dean fucking kisses him then refuses to talk about it like the functioning, healthy adult he claims to be? There is this flicker of hope telling Dean that Cas likes him to and it keeps growing despite Dean’s attempts to smother it. He needs this to stop before they both get hurt even more.

Dean can fix this, he knows he can.

He’ll go to the house tomorrow before Cas wakes up and find that secret basement room and get rid of the ghost. Then they can move back into the house, Dean can finish cleaning things up there, including the new mess he made in the basement, and Cas will continue writing or whatever he does till he gets his own place. Maybe Cas will move out as soon as it’s over because he is too uncomfortable to be around Dean.

The thought hurts but Dean assures himself he will get over it. It’s just a crush.

It’s just a crush.

~~~~~

Dean’s so screwed.

He woke up this morning embraced in Cas’s arms. Not only that, but he snuggled back and the second both of them realized what they were doing, they snapped awake and went back to their ‘minimum 1 foot’ thing they had going.

Now he stands alone in the kitchen, slowly drinking from the mug of coffee cradled in his hands. He had checked Cas’s bandages after his shower and was surprised with how fast the huge laceration seemed to be healing. After he disposed of the used bandages, he told Cas to take a shower before they wrap it up again.

He was able to convince Cas to go back to sleep, claiming that more rest will make it heal faster so they can get to the house faster and get rid of this ghost. Little does Cas know, going to sleep now really will get rid of the ghost issue faster. Dean already has all the stuff he needs hidden in the bushes up front so he can grab them and go when the time is right.

No one else in the house is awake. They all stayed up late looking through the boxes while Cas and Dean slept. It is the perfect time to get out of here and get this over with. He creeps towards the front door, grabbing his boots and tucking them under his arm. Opening the door is a slow process but silence is key to his escape.

Once the door closes behind him, Dean puts on his shoes, making sure the laces are tied tight, before stepping off the porch and finding his things in the bushes. He grabs his duffel and debates taking the impala before deciding he would just walk.

As soon as Dean crossed the threshold to his driveway, the crisp morning air went dead where it was once filled with the sounds of songbirds and smelled of dirt and fresh vegetation. Dean pushed on anyway. He has a task to complete and he isn’t going back till it's done.

The house loomed tauntingly ahead, the feeling of rot growing stronger as he approached. This ghost must be a powerful one to be able to give off such bad vibes. He stepped onto the porch, the low groan of the wood piercing the stale air before being eaten by the silence. 

He set down his duffle and pulled out a crowbar before slinging it back over his shoulder. The cold weight of the iron in his hand served as a comfort as he approached the door, an opaque blackness coating the inside of the windows. Dean steeled himself and reached for the handle, quickly pulling it back when the door opened on its own.

Gripping the bar tighter in his hands, Dean pushed open the door and stepped inside the stuffy blackness that pushed in on him. The house was quiet but even more so than outside. It seemed to be sucking in sounds, light, and life. No wonder people never say why they left the house if they decide to move before they’re killed, no one would believe you.

Dean crept into the center of the room, ready to strike at any movement with the iron in his hand. The door slammed shut behind him, entombing him in the murky blackness and causing him to spin around frantically looking for the ghost. When he realized that nothing was there, he pulled out his flashlight and began moving silently through the rooms.

The knot in his stomach only got worse and he was starting to hear whispers in the back of his mind. Dean could hear the fast, steady beating of his heart and the whoosh of air when he exhaled. The silence was driving him mad. He needs to find this  _ thing  _ and get out.

He made his way up the stairs, checking each room, but stopping at Cas’s room, spying the little black journal resting on his desk. Dean looks at it for a moment before sighing and grabbing the book of the desk and sliding it into his bag. His gaze swept around the room one last time before finally moving on.

Once Dean cleared the first and second floor, he found himself looking down the basement stairs. He hesitated with each step as he descended into the last room of the house. He could feel his hands shaking when he reached the bottom and began scanning the room for the shadow.

Just like the other rooms, it was empty and still. Dean walked to the other end of the room and set down his duffle and crowbar and traded it for the sledge hammer he found at Charlie's. He stood up and walked his hand along the wall and decided on an approximation on where the secret room's entrance was.

He widened his stance and prepared to swing the hammer when he stopped, a cold shill crawling up his spine and a hissing sound began filling the air. Dean dropped the hammer and traded it back for his crowbar before looking for the source of the noise. He spotted on the wall a cluster of bubbles in the paint that weren't there before.

Carefully Dean walked over to inspect the enlarging bubbles. He was only a foot away when one popped and black sludge began dripping down the wall. Dean recoiled and stumbled back to the other side of the room, watching as the wall bubbled and gushed out thick black sludge.

The tar like goo spurted out of the holes and dripped onto the floor but instead of forming puddles, it began gathering itself. Dean watched in horror as a tall black shape built itself up from the floor. The wall stopped secreting the goo and the creature loomed like a dark statue in front of him.

The thing began to turn to face him and Dean’s heart pounds harder in his chest. His head fills with the sound of the creatures hiss as dark tendrils creep out from the shadow like inky vines. The monster swoops forward before Dean has time to react, swallowing his consciousness in black, empty, silence.

~~~~~

“ _ Dean” _

Dean felt a hand on the side of his face and another gently shaking his shoulder.

“Dean wake up we have to go!”

What? He doesn’t have to go anywhere because he has yet to apply to the local mechanic so why on earth would he need to-

Dean’s eyes flew open as he gasped for breath. Going to the house, the ghost, the dark, he remembers it all now. Cas is looking down at him in the dim light but Dean could still see the panic in his eyes.

“Cas you shouldn’t be here, it could come back.” Dean said, his voice raspy and throat raw from the ghost attack.

“You absolute asshole! You’re telling me to leave when you were the genius who came here all by themselves before anyone woke up! And then when I come looking for you, I find you blacked out in the basement! Your behavior has been growing increasingly more reckless lately and-”

“Ok I get it, I'm an ass, but this can wait till we get outside.” Dean cuts in, earning a glare as Cas snaps his jaw shut.

Cas reaches his hand out and pulls Dean from the floor. He brushes off the dust from his jeans and picks up the duffle before following Cas upstairs. He shakes the handle on the mudroom door, growling in frustration when the door doesn't budge.

They run down the hall and out into the foyer. Dean nearly slams into Cas when the man stops in front of him, eyes wide as the shadow stretches upwards in the center of the room, grinning down at them.

Dean grabs Cas’s hand in his and begins running towards the kitchen. They need to get out of the house as fast as possible. When they get into the kitchen, the creature is already bubbling and spurting out of the island counter, growing taller and spreading wide to block off the exits.

“Dean!” Cas shouted. He held a slightly rusted tire iron in his hand, pointing at the larger of the still open spaces across the kitchen with the other. “Go to the sunroom!”

He opened his mouth to protest but Cas cut him off, “I’ll be right behind you. Go!”

Dean gave a stiff nod and bolted, slashing at the black tendrils reaching for him as he ran. He slammed his shoulder into the screen door of the sun room, bursting out into the back yard and pivoted on his heel to see if Cas had followed. 

“Cas!” Dean screamed as he watched his friend run towards the door, inky black tentacles gushing out of the kitchen behind him and reaching for his ankles as he ran. One darted forward, wrapping around his calf and Dean watched in horror as he fell to the floor, tire iron clanking as it bounced out of his hand and slid out the door.

Dean ran back towards the house, watching as Cas was dragged backwards into the dark mass and the door slam shut. When he reached the battered door, he pulled on the handle. It wouldn't budge. He shook the door, banging on the windows as he screamed for Cas.

He pounded on the door until his palms ached and bled, his voice weak and raw from screaming. He slid down the door and sat on the cold concrete step just below and let out a choked sob. 

He had really done it this time. Dean always fucks things up one way or another and now someone, someone he cares about, could be-

Dean cuts off the thought before he can finish and lets the suck of empty numbness fill his body. He can’t focus on his feelings right now, he just needs to get back to the house and come up with a plan to get Cas back. The ghost was probably keeping him hostage somewhere, right?

After gathering all the stuff he had brought from where it had been dropped, Dean began to trudge his way back to Charlie’s. His feet moved of their own accord, his limbs heavy and mind quiet. Getting to Charlies, being rushed inside and swaddled before being ushered off to his room and put into bed, it all passed by in a blur.

Dean was alone. The bed was cold beside him and the only sound was his own shallow breathing. His hands still ached from earlier, magnifying the pain as his nails dug crescents into his palms. Everything hit him with a rush. One reality after the next.

Cas was stuck in the house.

It was Dean’s fault.

Dean made it out.

Cas didn't.

Dean is alive.

Cas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If any of you are interested, I have a Christmas short ready for a little later in the month, so look out for that! 
> 
> Question of the day: What is a boring fact about yourself?


	12. A Murder of Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well y'all, here you go...

The first thing Cas noticed was the dull ache behind his eyes, followed by the cold press of concrete against his ribs and the tickle of dust up his nose as he breathed in shallow puffs. He blinked open his eyes and let them adjust to the dim light, its only source being a small set of windows near the ceiling so caked with dust, light barely filtered through.

He was laying in the corner of a long rectangle room, just like the one they saw in the blueprints. The walls were solid and flat, not a single crack, let alone a door, where Cas could have gotten in.

One of the shadows in the corner of the silvered and grew into the familiar shape of the creature. It moved towards the center of the room where a dusty skull sits, surrounded by perfectly preserved chalk lines and puddles of wax where candles once burned.

Cas felt his heart rate jump as the shadow moved towards him but it seemed to be more interested in the skull. A flickering light appeared by the circle, solidifying into the shape of a tall, well built woman in a plain plum colored dress. He watched as the pale, almost glowing, figure reached out it’s arm to the shadow creature, her hand resting open. Waiting.

The shadow leaped up from the ground, its form shrinking and pulling as it flew towards the lady’s arm, morphing into a large black bird. It still had its beady, red eyes and seemed to waver at the edges like the heatwaves on the blacktop in the middle of august. The woman pet it’s head, smiling.

A cough worked it’s way up Cas’s throat as he inhaled the dry, stale air. She dropped her hand, her back going ridged before relaxing once more. Her smile stayed but the corners of her lips twitched and twisted into something too wrong to be happy. The long ends of her dress rose a small cloud of dust when she turned, her smile growing toothy and wide, a manic look in her gleaming eyes as she stared at Cas that reminded him of the one he saw on the monster.

The bird spread its wings, letting out an ear shattering screech that had Cas’s hands slapped over them to try and block out the noise. Darkness was seeping into the edges of his vision and he felt his body start to numb once more before it completely consumed him.

~~~~~

Dean stared at the floor as Charlie yelled at him, scolding him like an impotent child. Her words were background noise in his mind as he furiously worked to shove down every intruding thought about what could be happening to Cas right now, trying to float along in his emptiness for a bit longer. 

“Dean! Dean, are you even listening to me?” Charlie snapped her fingers in his face.

“Yeah, don’t do dumb things, I get it.” Dean snarked and rose from his seat. 

The glare Charlie set on him made him a little afraid. Despite the 6” he has on her, she is one strong woman and could pin Dean in a fight, with his bum knee and all, albeit with some difficulty. Their standoff lasted a moment longer before Charlie’s eyes softened and the tight line of her lips slipped into a frown.

“Oh, Dean, I’m sorry.” Her voice was much more gentle as she stepped into Dean’s space, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

Something seemed to break inside Dean and he felt dangerously close to tears. “It’s okay, Charlie. I’m okay.” He mumbled into her hair as he placed a gentle kiss on her head before they separated.

Charlie kept his hands in hers as they drew back but let go as soon as she saw his bloody, swollen knuckles and palms and gasped. “Dean! What the hell, dude! C’mon, let's get you fixed up.”

She grabbed his wrist, careful to avoid touching the irritated skin, and tugged him into the kitchen before he could protest. She pushed him into a chair, telling him to stay put before jogging out of the room, returning a minute later with a first aid kit and Gilda by her side.

Dean held out his hands when they asked and was grateful for the silence they allowed. Gilda kept sending him worried glances but looked away whenever Dean met her eyes and it was starting to bother him. Everyone is so worried about him when Cas is the one stuck in the house.

“What?” Dean asked, catching both girls attention. They both looked at him in confusion so he continued. “You both keep looking at me like I’m some helpless animal. Is there something you want to say?”

“Dean,” Gilda says softly, “you are allowed to let us take care of you and you are allowed to not be the strong one in every situation. Now please, are you ok?”

“Oh I’m just fucking dandy. I fucked up my friendship with Cas then was an asshole instead of fixing it like a normal person would, and now Cas is being held hostage by some freak spirit and maybe even dead and it’s all my fault. So yeah, I’m doing great.” Dean sassed and crossed his arms over his chest like a moody teen.

“Dean, you’re right, this is kinda your fault,” Dean glared up at Charlie, “but you’re acting like a  _ child  _ and if you don’t get it together we can’t go save Cas so put on your big boy pants and quit the moping. We can all cry and drink ourselves to sleep  _ after  _ Cas is back.”

Dean stares open mouthed up at Charlie. He knows she’s right and he knows that he’s not helping by moping around instead of telling them anything. Both girls stare at him expectantly while Dean stares, sorting his thoughts into a somewhat coherent apology.

“I- you’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just that this happens every time and I knew I shouldn’t have gone alone but I had already hurt Cas and I figured the sooner this is over the sooner he could leave.” 

“Dean, why would he want to leave? He hasn't left, in fact, he's been trying to stay.” Gilda says, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Dean looks up and meets Gilda’s then Charlie’s eyes as the words sink in. Cas could have left a long time ago but instead he has been helping Dean figure out this ghost thing. Even after the kiss incident and Dean being an asshole to him, he has stayed and has even been trying to make amends with Dean.

“I found the room in the basement.” Dean states, both girls' faces going from surprised to looks of determination.

“Well, let’s get planin’!” Charlie grins.

  
  


~~~~~

Dean tries his best to calm the butterflies in his stomach as he packs up his duffle, the morning light snaking through the crack in the curtains serving as the only light in the room. Last night they had worked out a plan to go retrieve Cas and hopefully gank the ghost in one trip. 

Kevin also agreed to help, adding a fourth member to their little team. They had decided to go in pairs, Kevin and Gilda will pair up as well as Charlie and Dean. Gilda’s group will check the upper floor while Dean and Charlie check the main floor before regrouping and heading to the basement.

It was a solid plan. Everyone had weapons and someone with them. Still, Dean felt nervous. It could still go wrong and more people could get hurt on Dean’s behalf and what if they are already too late? 

He shook his head, rattling those dangerous thoughts from his mind. His back popped as he straightened up from the duffle. 

Cas’s journal was sitting on the desk in the guest room. Dean had set it there as soon as he had gotten back, sometimes staring at it for long blocks of time, practically yearning to open it but never moving to do so. He was now looking at its worn, black cover again.

Dean walked to the book, running his fingertips over the metal ledges of the sleeve pinning down a slip of paper with  _ “Castiel Novak”  _ scrawled in black ink. Hooking his finger under the cover of the book, he opened it to the first page and began reading.

  
  


_ April 14, 2020 _

_ I left for Sam’s brother’s house today. His name is Dean, and according to Sam, he is quite agreeable. I am looking forward to meeting him. _

A sad smile twitches at Dean’s lips as the heavy longing in his gut squirms, getting both heavier and lighter with each word he reads

_ Maybe he will become a new friend. I have been told I need more of those. _

_ I received a message from home this morning as well. Much of it was an offer to return home and work with the company, and if you look past the passive aggressive undertones, it was a pleasant email. _

_ I do miss my family sometimes. Working for the company is not something I want but would it be better than being cut off from all my siblings? Of course, Gabriel manages to find ways to reach out every now and then, Anna too, but I still wish we didn’t part on bad terms. _

_ -Castiel _

Dean flipped the page reading the next entry:

_ April 15, 2020 _

_ Sam was correct with what he said about Dean. Dean is kind and offered to buy me groceries and is over all, very amicable. One thing Sam did not mention was that Dean is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. _

A giddy feeling crept into his stomach, followed by guilt. This entry seemed more… personal. Dean flipped to some of the more recent entries.

_ September 4, 2020 _

_ My time with Dean has been a most interesting one. It has its ups and downs, especially with the shadow making its appearances increasingly more frequent. Seeing what it can do is… well, frightening to say the least. I fear for my own safety but more for Dean’s.  _

_ Since we have begun sharing a bed, it has been much better, but every few nights Dean will grow cold in my arms and try to get out of bed. I hold him there and eventually he warms back up and falls back to sleep but I am worried what will happen if I don’t wake up when this occurs. _

_ At least Dean has been sleeping better. As for me, sleeping with Dean has been hard. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up before doing something I may regret. _

_ -Castiel _

  
  
  
  


_ September 10, 2020 _

_ If Dean doesn’t make a move soon, I will. I thought that being able to hold him in my arms every night and continue the close friendship we have developed could be enough yet I find myself wanting more. I want to know how those plush lips feel against my own, on the sensitive skin on my neck, on my body. To feel his hands on chest and legs.  _

_ I want to feel his skin, his body under mine. To see what those wondrous green eyes look like when they are blown with lust. I want to make him make those indecent noises he teasingly made during dinner tonight under my own ministrations.  _

Dean stopped reading and took a deep steadying breath. He closed the book and sat back on the chair by the desk, scrubbing his hands over his face as he willed the swell of heat pulsing in his stomach to go away.

He’s an idiot.

And an ass.

And he needs to fix this. Dean felt a rush of confidence surge through him. He was going to save Cas from that son of a bitch ghost and they will have a talk. The one Cas has so desperately been trying to have with Dean since the kiss. And if Cas still wants him, he can have him.

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


The weight and feel of the fire poker in his hands was a comfort as Dean made his way through the house. Charlie stood off to his right, wielding a tire iron like a sword as she surveyed the room. When they were satisfied with the vacancy of the space, they moved back out to the atrium, just as Kevin and Gilda were heading down the stairs.

“All clear up there?” Charlie whispered as if the sound would call the shadow.

“All clear.” Gilda nodded, her voice quiet.

The group hovered nervously for a moment, dreading what they had to do next but Dean began his way towards their last stop anyway. When they reached the basement door, it was already open. Dean used the toe of his boot to push it wider, hesitating only a moment before walking headfirst into the musty basement.

Charlie followed, only a step behind, barely making it through the door before it was slamming shut behind them. Kevin and Gilda could be heard banging and shouting from the other side of the door but the two decided that they didn’t have time to try and pry it open. 

It was down here. Waiting.

Dean gritted his teeth as he tried his best to walk quietly down the steps. They made quick work of pouring the half circle of salt around the spot of the wall Dean needed to break. Charlie handed him a sledge hammer from the duffle they set on the floor and readied his stance. 

He could hear the hiss of the shadow from behind him and Charlie called his name. 

“Just keep it busy for a bit!” 

Dean swung the hammer forward, the metal head hitting home.

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


There was a dull sound bouncing around inside of Cas’s skull. The noise seemed quiet, as if it were from far off, but it still brought a spike of pain in his temples. It was still dark. It must be night. Were one of the neighbors lighting off fireworks? Cas groped for Dean, wanting to ask if he knew what was going on, but his palm slapped down on cold concrete. 

His eyes flew open, level with beady red ones. The corvid like bird was peering into his face. They stared for a few moments, more bangs sounding from the back of the room. Cas flicked his eyes towards the disturbance and saw a small hole shining into the room where there was none before.

He looked back at the bird. It’s beak opened in a way that conveyed a smile through the sharp, also black teeth that lined its mouth. 

The snap of its beak and a shout sounding vaguely like his name in a familiar voice are the last things Cas remembers before his world is pitched back into darkness.

  
  
  
  


~~~~~

Dean almost had a hole large enough to fit through. He felt the prickle of tears in his eyes as dust from the wall and what is kicked up in the room meets his eyes. And definitely just dust. Nothing else making him tear up.

He brought the hammer down again, arms straining with effort. The hole was big enough to fit through finally. The hammer made a loud clang as it dropped to the floor. Dean turned to call for Charlie, fire poker back in his hand.

She must have noticed he was done because she was facing him, mouth open in preparation to say something when her eyes widened and face went pale. Dean felt a cold line wrap around his torso and before he could protest, he was being yanked through the hole, arms and legs scaping up against the edges on the way.

The ghost dropped him on the floor as the bits of wall began cramming themselves back into the hole, it’s supernatural strength holding them in place like cement. 

Thankfully Dean managed to keep his grip on the iron in his hands because it was the only thing protecting him from the inky monster looming in front of him, its jaw open in an unhinged drop as a high pitched whine split through Dean’s head.

It stabbed one of its arms towards Deans stomach. He rolled to the side, the black tendril grazing his side leaving a stinging chill in its wake. Dean let out a cry of pain swinging the rod and cutting off the arm. The shadow let out another shriek before stabbing another tendril in his direction.

Dean effectively dodged and cut this one, getting on his feet and ignoring the throbbing pain on his side. The creature jabbed at him again. Dean cut through the black mass but felt a frigid pressure on his back before he was thrown a little ways across the room.

The poker clattered on the ground as it slipped from his hands, sliding a few feet away. Dean reached for it, that’s when he noticed it. There was a small lump of cloth sitting in the back corner of the room. A familiar head of black hair and the faint flannel pattern could be made out in the shadows.

A spike of fear drove through Dean as he thought he might be too late but it quickly morphed into anger. Dean scooped up the bar, hopping to his feet and facing the ghost. He noticed something on the floor between him and his opponent. There was a skull resting in the center of intricate circles drawn in chalk and outlined in a ring of used candles.

He looked back to the red eyes of the shadow grinning at him from across the room. It seemed to know exactly what Dean was thinking because it launched itself forward, racing Dean to the circle. Dean sprinted forward, swinging the iron bar in front of him to sever a black tentacle.

It all happened so fast. A sharp pain in Dean’s leg as he reached the circle, the sound of something shattering as he hit the floor. A loud shriek from the creature as it dissipated that had Dean curled in a ball, covering his ears.

When he opened his eyes Charlie was in his face, shoving him to the side and pulling out a baggie. Dean watched, still in shock, as she quickly gathered the remains of the broken skull into the bag. 

He sat up and reached forward to help but Charlie swatted his hand away. “Dean, I got this, you go check on Cas.” She said before jobbing out of the hole and up the stairs.

Dean felt his stomach drop at the mention of Cas. Cas who was laying, possibly dead, hopefully unconscious, in a heap on the floor. He scrambled across the floor, not bothering to stand up all the way and not sure if he could with the jolt of pain that coursed through his leg.

There were tears streaming down his face when he reached Cas. He took his face in his hands gently, whispering his name like a prayer, begging. A ragged breath sounded from Cas’s lips and Dean let out a sob of relief, pulling Cas’s body out of the ball he was lying in to help him breath.

Cas began to cough, his eyes fluttering open and shut as he tried to gain his bearings.

“Shh shh, it’s ok. It’s over, Cas. I gotcha.” Dean consoled as he tugged Cas into his lap.

Cas’s breathing was still pained but he wasn’t coughing when he looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. There was a soft smile trying to form as he reached up a hand, tenderly brushing Dean’s jaw before he promptly passed out.

Wow this is like some kinda Hallmark movie, fuckin’ sappy, Dean thought as the adrenaline began to wear off, black creeping around the edges of Dean’s vison as he too, slipped into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter but am very excited for the next one. There will likely be 2 more chapters(including an epilogue) and it's done! Thank you for sticking with me so far, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you!
> 
> Also, I have started on a NEW longfic! I plan to post the first chapter after I finish this fic so I can get a head start on writing but it may be a bit earlier(I'm impatient). 
> 
> Question of the Chapter: What is your favorite clothing article and why?


	13. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this finished for a few days but never got around to posting it, sorry! It's almost over, can you believe it?

Dean wakes up first. Mere seconds after he gains his berings, Sam is by his side, angrily lecturing him before the rant morphs into relieved blubbering. Charlie, Kevin, and Gilda all take turns coming by as well. Apparently, Dean and Cas have been unconscious for almost three days now, the other three only having obtained minor injuries have been stopping by to check on them and waiting for Sam to get there.

There was a white curtain drawn between him and the one other bed in the room, where he knew Cas was lying, still in a blissful comatose state. Just thinking about the guy makes Dean’s heart race. How is he going to even start this conversation with Cas.

_ Hey man, I read your diary and realized that I am an idiot. I thought you hated me. Oops! _

Maybe Cas will forgive him for being such a thick-skulled asshole to him for all this time. Dean doesn’t deserve that, of course, but a guy can dream. Hopefully, if Cas chooses to be rid of him he cuts it off fast, no point in drawing out the pain longer than needed.

Now all Dean has to do is wait.

~~~~~

Dean is reading when Cas wakes up. He has only been awake for one day, stuck in bed until the doctor comes and briefs him on how to take care of his leg which is held in a brace. Cas’s muffled coughing is the first thing that alerts Dean that he had woken up, shortly followed by Charlie lunging across the room from where she sat in a chair against the wall.

Her, Kevin, Sam, and occasionally Gilda have been taking turns sitting in the room waiting for Cas and keeping Dean occupied before he gets out of bed and tries to entertain himself. Kevin was the one who brought him the book, which Dean was immensely grateful for.

He decides to stay quiet and give Cas some time to catch up.

“Cas, you’re awake! How do you feel?” Charlie asks, her disembodied voice slightly muffled through the curtain.

“I- I’m… sore. Where am I? Is Dean alright?” Cas’s voice was grating and scratchy from days without use, making Dean cringe.

Charlie paused, waiting to see if Dean was going to say anything before replying, “Yeah, he woke up yesterday. You’ve been out for two days, man.”

“...Oh. How long was I… uh, at the house?” 

“Just over a day and a half. Dean worked his ass off, making a plan and rescuing you as fast as he could.”

“He did?”

Cas sounded… sad, almost. A friendly sad, like saying goodbye to a friend leaving for college, kinda sad. It confused Dean, to be honest. Out of all things that statement could have provoked, why sadness?

“Yeah, he did.” Charlie replied, quieter, more comforting.

“I’m going to rest a bit longer. Thank you, Charlie.”

Dean heard Charlie walk away from the bed back to the chair. There was a soft smile on her face as she looked over at Cas’s side of the curtain. When Charlie turned to look at him, there was a look in her eye that made his stomach drop and the blood drain from his face. She was  _ pissed.  _

And by god was Dean going to pay for whatever he had done this time.

  
  


~~~~~

“Dean! He wanted to talk to you! You were  _ right there! _ Why the  _ fuck _ did you not say anything!” 

Dean had discharged himself while Cas was sleeping, returning to the house with Charlie. She refused to talk to him until they had pulled into the driveway up to her house. Dean had thought for sure that he would have rather just gotten this over with than sit in that dead silent car for one more second but now he would gladly have that back.

“I- I don’t know-” He stuttered, panicking.

“Damn right, you don’t know! You don’t seem to know  _ shit _ , Dean Winchester! How do you even make it through the day with your head so far up your ass that you made friends with your spleen!”

“Wha-what? Charlie, what’s even going on?”

“Oh my g- just- get your stuff together and maybe chill for a bit then let's head over to clean up your house.” Charlie deflated.

“Wait, hold on-” Dean’s words were cut off by the slam of the car door.

What is her problem? So she’s going to get his nerves up and yell at him just to… stop before telling him what’s even wrong? 

Dean was starting to feel pissed, slamming the door before stomping up to the house. He began shoving clothes in his duffle but the anger began to morph into pain. Dean found himself staring down at the messy floor where clothes lay in small heeps by his bag. Then he thought about Cas lying alone in the hospital and the sad droop in his voice and something let go inside of Dean.

The tears came hot and wet, dripping off his chin and leaving dark colored spots on the grey comforter. Everything was just such a fucking mess and it’s all his fault. There was a reason his dad always told him that he was a worthless piece of shit, Dean could see that extremely clear now, because he now knows it’s true.

The door peaked open and Charlie looked inside, frowning when she saw Dean.

“Oh, Dean,” She walked in the room, embracing Dean in a gentle hug, “what’s wrong?”

He didn’t respond, not then at least. Charlie seated him at the foot of the bed and sat shoulder to shoulder with him, a comforting arm holding him close.

“I’m such a goddamn mess, Charlie.” Dean’s voice was barely a whisper and if Charlie wasn’t sitting so close she probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“It’s okay. We’re all here still and we all love you.”

“No, I fucked up, Charlie. I messed up so bad. I just don’t get why you even stick around still when all I do is make things worse for you guys.”

“That’s not true-”

“It sure as hell is! I got Cas  _ hospitalized  _ twice technically, and put you all in danger while cleaning up the mess I had already made!”

  
  


The silence that sat thick and heavy in the room after Dean’s shout was a welcomed one. Tears still rolled freely down Dean’s cheeks, and Charlie stayed with her arm holding Dean close. The room was growing dimmer as the time passed, the light of the setting sun filtering less and less through the curtains.

Charlie eventually got up and told Dean to go to sleep and that they will go see Cas in the morning. He did get into bed, his body moving through the motions of brushing his teeth and tucking under the covers.

Mind empty, Dean fell asleep.

~~~~~

Dean was vibrating with nerves as they drove to the hospital to pick up Cas. He had no fucking clue how any of this was going to go and no idea what he was going to end up doing himself. He doesn’t consider himself a religious man, not too excited about the idea of begging some higher power for help, but he was asking, no, begging, whatever is listening to let this all go right.

His nerves only seem to get worse as they enter the hospital and make their way towards Cas. Dean doesn’t know what to do with himself. What should he say? What will he even do?

Apparently he had worried for nothing because Cas took the lead of the conversation instantly.

“Dean.” Cas said looking over at where Dean had just entered.

“Heya, Cas.” 

Dean relaxed only slightly at the relieved undertones in Cas’s voice but the fire that quickly replaced it shocked him.

“What the  _ fuck  _ were you thinking? Were you even thinking?” Cas snapped.

Charlie slid between them looking bewildered. “O-kay, let's take a chill pill and save the yelling for not in public places.” She hesitated when approaching him, but once Cas seemed to relax she pulled him into a hug. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thank you, Charlie.”

Cas changed out of the steril white hospital gown into some of the clothes Dean brought him and they loaded up into the car. Dean had remained silent since Cas’s outburst, barely lifting his gaze from his feet. He could feel Cas’s eyes on him the whole ride home but he couldn’t bring himself to see the hatred stored in his glare.

Kevin and Gilda were waiting in the messy sitting room where they had done all their research not too many nights prior. They jumped up to hug Cas who gave them a bright, genuine smile, making Dean’s stomach fill with a sick warmth. Cas was happy, but not because of him.

It was only around noon so Dean had decided that they had enough time to go check the house one last time and clean up their rooms a bit. Cas seemed fine with the plan, which honestly surprised Dean because he felt nervous about heading back there himself, and he wasn’t the one who was stuck beat up and unconscious in the basement for almost three days. 

At least going back to the house meant something to do, something to get Cas off his mind. Something to help get Cas some space from him.

That was until they were the only two left at the house.

Everyone had gone over to help check the place over, cleaning up a bit as they went but most of the mess was in the basement. At least the spirit didn’t find throwing books and breaking dishes a fun pass-time. It was ready to be lived in again within the hour they had arrived and the chill air had already begun to warm up from the furnace. An hour later, Dean walked them all out the front door, promising that they would be over for dinner that night.

He could feel the weight of eyes on his back and began to turn, following the bright stripes of sunlight pouring through the windows across the wood of the floor and finally to the face of the man he has been dying to talk to yet dreading the conversation.

Cas’s eyes were just how he remembered them, if not more extravagant in the midday light. The turmoil of his mind could be seen in every aspect of Cas, his posture, the tight line of his lips, those beautiful eyes. 

Cas turned for the living room with a silent invitation for Dean to follow. There were plenty of places to sit and relax in the room as they both remained standing, quiet, glaring at each other's feet. The tension was making Dean want to crawl out of his skin.

“Cas, you good there, buddy?” Dean tried hesitantly, instantly regretting his words when Cas’s head snapped up to look at him.

“What do you think, Dean?” Cas continued on, not giving him any time to answer. “After fucking weeks of being half starved in the basement and on the receiving end of signals so fucked up they rival my social inadequatcy, I must feel downright peachy!”

“I’m sorry-”

“What were you thinking doing it alone?”

Cas glared at him, waiting for an answer. When Dean remained silent, at a complete loss of words, he continued.

“Did you think we couldn’t do it? That you were better than the rest of us?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Then why, Dean?”

“Because this was all my fault and I didn’t need the rest of you guys stickin’ your necks out for something I fucked up in the first place.”

“We wanted to help you! Do you really think we would have offered our service if we didn’t want to? We don’t want you to get hurt either, Dean,” Cas stopped, taking a breath before continuing, “Whether you like it or not, there are people who care about you.”

Dean looked at him, a frown on his face. Cas’s brows furrowed and he did that stupid little head tilt.

“Is that really so hard to believe?”

“Yeah, Cas, it is. Everyone leaves. Mom died, Dad wasn’t around most of the time he was alive and now is dead too. Sam is off at college and will get married with 2.5 kids and a dog. Everyone is gonna leave, they always do.”

“Dean, that’s not true. Sam isn’t going to cut you out of his life, you have Ellen, Bobby, and Jo. You have Charlie, Gilda, Kevin,  _ me. _ ”

“And look where that’s got you! Almost dead  _ twice!  _ I break everything that I touch, the very presence of me is a curse, and when you all finally realize that, you will leave too.”

Dean hadn’t realized how close Cas was standing and took a step backwards, eyes widening when his heel hit the wall. Cas had him cornered against the wall, squinting up at his face like it was one of the huge jigsaw puzzles Cas does on the kitchen counter.

“You think you don’t deserve to be loved.” 

It was a statement, an observation.

“It’s not like someone would ever love me anyway-”

All of Dean’s thoughts melted away, his entire being focused on the lips being pushed hard against his. Cas’s hands were fisted in Dean’s flannel, pressing his back into the wall. When Cas pulled back, both men breathing hard, foreheads resting against each other, Dean could feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes when Cas warm breath ghosted over his ear.

“How would you know if you don’t let anyone try?”

Cas kissed him again, tongue pushing against the seam of his lips and Dean let him in, marveling at the taste of Cas and the feel of his tongue on his. Dean placed his hands on Cas’s hips, thumbs slipping under his shirt to feel the warm skin beneath. Using his grip as leverage, he pulled Cas flush against him, relishing the solid feel of his body. Hands under Cas’s shirt, Dean began to explore the broad expanse of his back, running his fingers along the lines of Cas’s shoulder blades and spine. Cas had relinquished his grip on Dean’s shirt to let his own curious hands wander along Dean’s sides, sliding over his ribs and hips.

Cas shoved his leg between Dean’s, making him break the kiss for a gasp of air with the burst of pleasure in his gut. He rutted against Cas’s leg trying to get as much friction from his jeans as possible as his cock began to harden in his boxers.

Then there was a knock at the door. Their movement ceased but they remained close, breathing each other's air, until the knock came again. Cas stepped back from Dean, his pupils still blown wide and cheeks flushed.

“We’ll finish this… and our conversation, later.” He said before running a hand through his hair and straightening his clothes.

Dean began doing the same, both men helping each other make sure they didn’t look too much like they had just been making out in the living room. They heard the knock again and Dean jogged to the door, running a hand over the front of his shirt one last time before opening it.

Fucking  _ Sam. _

Dean's gargantuan brother was standing outside the door, smiling down at Dean and tugging him into a tight hug. He let go, pulling Cas into a tight squeeze as well.

“Cas! It’s great to see you up and kickin’! Sorry I couldn’t come sooner.” Sam grinned, patting the shorter man on the shoulder.

“It’s alright, Sam. It’s good to see you too.”

They invited Sam inside, making their way into the kitchen.

“I was wondering if I could stay the night. It’ll only be one since I have to get back home by tomorrow evening.” Sam said, looking over at Dean.

Dean cursed his luck internally.  _ Damn it, he finally got somewhere with Cas and it’s already postponed.  _ He slapped on a smile anyway, nodding as he spoke. “Of course, Sammy, you’re family, this is your home too.”

“No, this is  _ your  _ home. All yours, Dean.” The words were soft.

Dean turned away, not wanting to touch that fact quite yet, to grab them some beers from the fridge, sliding them across the counter top to waiting hands. They chatted amicably until it was time to head to Charlie’s, Sam catching them up on school life and Jess.

Before they headed over, Dean helped carry Sam’s backpack up to one of the spare bedrooms. When he got back outside, they began to walk over to their neighbors. Sam walks a bit ahead of them, Cas close enough to Dean's side that he can feel the warmth of the other man's body on his arm. 

“You think they would mind if we left a bit early?” Cas’s hot breath ghosted over Dean’s ear.

Dean whipped his head to look at Cas, his face flushing, but Cas had already drifted away, speeding his pace to catch up to Sam. He gawked up at the pair for a second, wondering just how Cas can suddenly become a smooth-talker, before quickening his steps.

He just hopes Cas isn’t going to be too forward at Charlie’s. He knows that everyone would be fine with it but he still feels nervous about it anyway. All Dean can do is hope luck is on his side.

~~~~~

It’s only been ten minutes and Charlie is giving him these  _ looks _ that make Dean’s skin feel jittery. She  _ knows _ and they haven’t even  _ done anything. _ She doesn’t seem to be sharing her little theories with anyone else though, which is a relief.

Other than Charlie, the night goes smooth. Dinner was easy, just some spaghetti and meatballs that Gilda and Kevin threw together(Charlie was banned from cooking for unknown reasons, something about things tasting like rubber) which was followed by a small bonfire in the backyard, old beach chairs circled around the pit.

Dean was having a blast, to be honest. He was letting his eyes wander while listening to one of Sam’s old high school stories that he had already heard a million times when his gaze locked on to the startling blue eyes across the campfire. Cas was staring across the fire at him, the orange tongues reflecting in bright neon flashes against the electric blue of his iris.

After a moment, Cas stood up, leaning over and speaking quietly to Charlie. She is listening, smirking and glancing at Dean, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She nodded to Cas and he stood, drawing the attention to him.

“I had a very pleasant night with you all, but I am going to head back home. I guess I’m still worn out from… the previous week's events.” Cas announced.

Dean realized this was his opportunity to escape with Cas and spoke up. “I’ll go with you. I’m getting a bit worn out myself, anyway.”

After thanking everyone and saying goodbye, Cas and Dean found themselves alone in front of the house, walking side by side down the dark drive. There had been a cold, gnawing feeling in the pit of Dean’s stomach since Cas had gotten back and in a split second decision, Dean decides he wants to get rid of it.

“Cas,” Dean said, a worrying note in his voice.

“Yes, Dean?”

“When you were, uh, so I have your journal, from when I had gone to the house. I saw it and thought I could bring it to you. But then, well, you know what happened. And I was so scared, which isn’t a fair excuse for what I did, but I needed to talk to you and the best way to do that was reading your words, and I guess I was curious too. I read some of your journals, and I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s yours and it was a huge invasion of your privacy and I tried my best to skip over as many super personal parts and i didn’t read much and-”

“Dean, calm down.” Cas’s voice was a cool blanket over the hot cloud rising out of Dean.

He had stopped walking during his rambling, pausing at the end of their driveway to wave his hands around while trying to articulate an apology.

“Thank you for telling me. You’re right that it was an invasion of privacy, and I don’t want you doing that again unless you have my explicit permission, but I’m not mad, and I forgive you.”

_ How the fuck is he so calm? _

“Oh, Okay, uh, well-” Cas’s hand took hold of Dean’s, making his jaw snap shut and feet begin to move back towards the house.

Well that went much better than expected. And now that the guilt had dissipated for the time being, Dean could feel everything else so acutely. The butterflies under his sky, the warmth of Cas’s palm against his, the slight brush of their arms as they walked.

Luck really was on their side now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a question for y'all. Do you want a smut scene?
> 
> I have no issue with writing one but I didn't have one planned and someone had asked if I was going to. I figured I would just ask whether or not you guys wanted it and go from there. Thanks for reading!<3
> 
> Question of the Chapter(You get two today I guess!): Other than destiel, what are your favorite ships?(feel free to tell me about them too!)

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment telling me what you think! They fuel my writing!


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